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Dear White Gays: Stop Stealing Black Female Culture


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You are not a black woman, and you do not get to claim either blackness or womanhood. There is a clear line between appreciation and appropriation

 
 
 

I need some of you to cut it the hell out. Maybe, for some of you, it’s a presumed mutual appreciation for Beyoncé and weaves that has you thinking that I’m going to be amused by you approaching me in your best “Shanequa from around the way” voice. I don’t know. What I do know is that I don’t care how well you can quote Madea, who told you that your booty was getting bigger than hers, how cute you think it is to call yourself a strong black woman, who taught you to twerk, how funny you think it is to call yourself Quita or Keisha or for which black male you’ve been bottoming — you are not a black woman, and you do not get to claim either blackness or womanhood. It is not yours. It is not for you.

 

Let me explain.

 

Black people can’t have anything. Any of these things include, but aren’t limited to: a general sense of physical safety, comfort with law enforcement, adequate funding and appreciation for black spaces like schools and neighborhoods, appropriate venues for our voices to be heard about criticism of issues without our race going on trial because of it, and solid voting rights (cc: Chris McDaniel).

 

And then, when you thought this pillaging couldn’t get any worse, extracurricular black activities get snatched up, too: our music, our dances, our slang, our clothing, our hairstyles. All of these things are rounded up, whitewashed and repackaged for your consumption. But here’s the shade — the non-black people who get to enjoy all of the fun things about blackness will never have to experience the ugliness of the black experience, systemic racism and the dangers of simply living while black. Though I suppose there’s some thrill in this “rolling with the homies” philosophy some adopt, white people are not racially oppressed in the United States of America.

 

White people are not racially oppressed in the United States of America.

 

White people are not racially oppressed in the United States of America.

 

Nothing about whiteness will get a white person in trouble the way blackness can get a black person shot down in his tracks. These are just facts. It’s not entirely the fault of white people. It’s not as if you can help being born white in America, any more than I can help being born black in America.

 

The truth is that America is a country that operates on systems of racism in which we all participate, whether consciously or unconsciously, to our benefit or to our detriment, and that system allows white people to succeed. This system also creates barriers so that minorities, such as black people, have a much harder time being able to do things like vote and get houses and not have to deal with racists and stuff. You know. Casual.

 

But while you’re gasping at the heat and the steam of the strong truth tea I just spilled,what’s even worse about all of this, if you thought things could get even crappier, is the fact that all of this is exponentially worse for black women. A culture of racism is bad enough, but pairing it with patriarchal structures that intend to undermine women’s advancement is like double-fisting bleach and acid rain.

 

At the end of the day, if you are a white male, gay or not, you retain so much privilege. What is extremely unfairly denied you because of your sexuality could float back to you, if no one knew that you preferred the romantic and sexual company of men over women. (You know what I’m talking about. Those “anonymous” torsos on Grindr, Jack’d and Adam4Adam, show very familiar heterosexual faces to the public.) The difference is that the black women with whom you think you align so well, whose language you use and stereotypical mannerisms you adopt, cannot hide their blackness and womanhood to protect themselves the way that you can hide your homosexuality. We have no place to hide, or means to do it even if we desired them.

 

In all of the ways that your gender and race give you so much, in those exact same ways, our gender and race work against our prosperity. To claim that you’re a minority woman just for the sake of laughs, and to say that the things allowed her or the things enjoyed by her are done better by you isn’t cute or funny. First of all, it’s aggravating as hell. Second, it’s damaging and perpetuating of yet another set of aggressions against us.

 

All of this being said, you should not have to stop liking the things you like. This is not an attempt to try to suck the fun out of your life. Appreciating a culture and appropriating one are very, very different things, with a much thicker line than some people think, if you use all of the three seconds it takes to be considerate before you open your mouth. If you love some of the same things that some black women love, by all means, you and your black girlfriends go ahead and rock the hell out. Regardless of what our privileges and lack of privileges are, regardless of the laws and rhetoric that have attempted to divide us, we are equal, even though we aren’t the same, and that is okay. Claiming our identity for what’s sweet without ever having to taste its sour is not. Breathing fire behind ugly stereotypes that reduce black females to loud caricatures for you to emulate isn’t, either.

 

So, you aren’t a strong black woman, or a ghetto girl, or any of that other foolery that some of you with trash Vine accounts try to be. It’s okay. You don’t have to be. No one asked you to be. You weren’t ever meant to be. What you can be, however, is part of the solution.

 

Check your privilege. Try to strengthen the people around you.

 

Sierra Mannie is a rising senior majoring in Classics and English at the University of Mississippi. She is a regular contributor to the Opinion section of the school’s student newspaper, The Daily Mississippian, where this article originally appeared

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I'm sorry but she needs to sit all the way downe.

It should be taken as an honor and a compliment that black women are seen as so strong and powerful by gay men, GIVEN everything she just outlined they have had to and continue to endure. The gay civil rights movement is still in its infancy compared to black civil rights, and while gay men can "hide" in some cases, some can't, we also grow up with no support system or community until it is found later on. Compare that to black people who in the face of oppression at least have family, community. She is a complete ignorant asshole for assuming a gay white man faces no hardship or the ones he does face can't possibly compare to that of a black woman by default. Like I mentioned, what lgbtq people go through is both outright and insidious, facing discrimination and ALSO learning to hate yourself, that you are inherently wrong and being absolutely alone in that struggle. This self righteous twat can never know what that's like, so let her continue to pound her fists on her chest proclaiming the black female plight is the only one that counts in this country.

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Why create chaos in a peaceful world?

 

are white gays doing black face? Is it that serious?

Its serious because I know way too many white folks that will act "Black" but when whitie boss man come around they clean that shit up real quick....the problem for Black people in general is we don't get to wear our race as a costume we can take off when its not convienent

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Its serious because I know way too many white folks that will act "Black" but when whitie boss man come around they clean that shit up real quick....the problem for Black people in general is we don't get to wear our race as a costume we can take off when its not convienent

Umm 90% of people don't act the same around his or her boss compared to his or her co-workers so what's ur saying is irrelevant but this article is about gay men "stealing" black women's personas.. Its not a wide spread issue and it certainly doesn't deserve attention or an poorly written article.

Why create havoc during a state of peace?

We have a black President.. Voted in by the majority of this country. We have bigger fish to fry than gays "acting" like black women

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Umm 90% of people don't act the same around his or her boss compared to his or her co-workers so what's ur saying is irrelevant but this article is about gay men "stealing" black women's personas.. Its not a wide spread issue and it certainly doesn't deserve attention or an poorly written article.

Why create havoc during a state of peace?

We have a black President.. Voted in by the majority of this country. We have bigger fish to fry than gays "acting" like black women

did you drink the koolaid :unsure:  it's cultural theft all around ....and what state of peace? :blink: we been fighting each other since we got a Black prez

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did you drink the koolaid :unsure:  it's cultural theft all around ....and what state of peace? :blink: we been fighting each other since we got a Black prez

Cultural theft in a country built from culture. Millions of people in this nation and you expect none of them to be influenced by the other. Some say the US is a melting pot, others say it's a salad bowl.. Either way, we are united. Opinions like these are not helping anything. It has no benefits.. It sheds no new light.

I don't believe in this "separate but equal" crap this "writer" is spewing. That's what it is. The "writer" wants blacks to be separate from white people.. Separate culture.. Yet have the same equality... The same "privledges"... Who cares if gay men are "acting" like strong black women... Better that than calling them the n-word and refusing to let them vote or own property or marry interracially

I'm not ignoring the facts of racism in this country.. It's still a problem... but white people "stealing" black culture is not

As Janet said... Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

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I'm sorry but she needs to sit all the way downe.

It should be taken as an honor and a compliment that black women are seen as so strong and powerful by gay men, GIVEN everything she just outlined they have had to and continue to endure. The gay civil rights movement is still in its infancy compared to black civil rights, and while gay men can "hide" in some cases, some can't, we also grow up with no support system or community until it is found later on. Compare that to black people who in the face of oppression at least have family, community. She is a complete ignorant asshole for assuming a gay white man faces no hardship or the ones he does face can't possibly compare to that of a black woman by default. Like I mentioned, what lgbtq people go through is both outright and insidious, facing discrimination and ALSO learning to hate yourself, that you are inherently wrong and being absolutely alone in that struggle. This self righteous twat can never know what that's like, so let her continue to pound her fists on her chest proclaiming the black female plight is the only one that counts in this country.

 

 

I think you sorta missed some of the point. Gay white males assume Black female character when it's appropriate, or convenient if you will. White gays, masculine or feminine, still have the ability to "turn off" the act and resume privilege. Black women are not provided with the same opportunity. A gay White male can hide his appropriated gay mannerisms, but a Black woman can not hide the color of her skin, her biggest obstacle. It's not just some costume she can take off at her leisure. I think that's the part I believe you missed. Regardless of how educated a Black woman is, she still has two strikes working against her - she's a female, and she's Black. And she's still plagued with the stereotypes associate with Black women - the ghetto names, the neck rolling, the "in-your-face" attitude, etc - regarless of how well put together she is. I remember on the last season of Big Brother, Candice, a speech therapist with a college degree, was still downgraded by her white female house guests as "Shaniqua" and being called an "Aunt Jemima". I hope my reply doesn't come off as pretentious, but it's a bit premature to call the writer slanderous names because of an obvious truth. 

 

 

Also, it's not necessary White gay men acting like Black women, there's a huge influence known as the Black gay ballroom scene that's VERY integral in the shaping of Black female mannerisms. The stressed "I" in "Bitch" and "Girl", "read", "shade", "come for me", etc are all rooted in the Black gay scene. That's something that also goes uncredited. 

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I think you sorta missed some of the point. Gay white males assume Black female character when it's appropriate, or convenient if you will. White gays, masculine or feminine, still have the ability to "turn off" the act and resume privilege. Black women are not provided with the same opportunity. A gay White male can hide his appropriated gay mannerisms, but a Black woman can not hide the color of her skin, her biggest obstacle. It's not just some costume she can take off at her leisure. I think that's the part I believe you missed. Regardless of how educated a Black woman is, she still has two strikes working against her - she's a female, and she's Black. And she's still plagued with the stereotypes associate with Black women - the ghetto names, the neck rolling, the "in-your-face" attitude, etc - regarless of how well put together she is. I remember on the last season of Big Brother, Candice, a speech therapist with a college degree, was still downgraded by her white female house guests as "Shaniqua" and being called an "Aunt Jemima". I hope my reply doesn't come off as pretentious, but it's a bit premature to call the writer slanderous names because of an obvious truth.

Also, it's not necessary White gay men acting like Black women, there's a huge influence known as the Black gay ballroom scene that's VERY integral in the shaping of Black female mannerisms. The stressed "I" in "Bitch" and "Girl", "read", "shade", "come for me", etc are all rooted in the Black gay scene. That's something that also goes uncredited.

I understand that and I've heard that argued many times, but I brought up something I feel is crucial and unique to the gay experience, something that does not seem to be addressed at all, which is that while gay people have the ability to curtail mannerisms that may give them away, an "advantage" people of color don't have, people of color have the advantage of family and communities openly sharing the same experience, a support system from birth, without question, without doubt. You can face roadblocks and discrimination based on your skin color, but you're not in that alone. You are emboldened and inspired and taught by your family. The difference is that gay children do hide if they can, they bury themselves if they can, they drown with the weight of the oppression they face, even if they can "hide in plain sight." The difference is there is absolutely nobody to confide in, or trust with the secret you are desperately trying to keep. Now as the gay issue comes to the fore, younger generations will have it easier and easier as it becomes more accepted. But then that's how it is with race in this country too, and why I mentioned black civil rights had a head start. Gay youth, until they find their tribe later on, if they even accept they are gay at all and survive, are still silently suffering.

I'm not saying black women have it easier, I'm saying it's ignorant to aggrandize the struggle of black women and dismiss that of a gay man, an experience which has nothing to do with skin color. White gay men face the same internal war and struggle as an any other shade in the lgbtq rainbow.

And I agree with your last part about the language and mannerisms owing more if not exclusively to ballroom culture which is why this author sounded hostile and off base.

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And just wanted to tack on, was there ever a campaign for young black girls to stop committing suicide? No.

#itgetsbetter when you can stop glorifying your scars to belittle someone else's, and realize the bigger picture and the commonality we the "other" face in this country.

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And just wanted to tack on, was there ever a campaign for young black girls to stop committing suicide? No.

#itgetsbetter when you can stop glorifying your scars to belittle someone else's, and realize the bigger picture and the commonality we the "other" face in this country.

There is actually a campaign to get African American women help and stop them from committing suicide. The whole "strong black woman" notion and religion has discouraged black women from seeing therapists and getting help with mental illness. The "strong black woman" notion places immense pressure on African American women by teaching them that if they can endure slavery, rape, discrimination, etc for generations then they can endure mental illness and suicidal thoughts. Look up Karyn Washington. She's the most recent case I believe.
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Karyn Washington, founder of “For Brown Girls” and the “Dark Skin, Red Lips” project has died at the tender age of 22. And this was not a natural death. This was an apparent suicide.

Karyn, who dedicated herself to the uplifting of dark-skinned black girls and women, and worked so that they would have a sense of well-being, was struggling with depression and mental illness, and was unable to extend the love she gave to others to herself.

This is often par for the course with black women, who often shoulder so much burden (one of the only things the community will give us kudos for, the quintessential ‘struggle’) and to admit any weakness of the mind and body is to be considered defective. Vulnerability is not allowed. Tears are discouraged. Victims are incessantly blamed. We are hard on our women, and suffer as a result.

When your community tells you that you’re better off praying than seeking the advice of medical professionals and medication, you feel shame when you feel your mind is breaking. There is no safe place. To admit to any mental frailty is to invite scorn and mockery, accusations of “acting white.”

Because only white people suffer from depression. Only white people commit suicide.

Black women are strong.

Black women are not human.

And this is a LIE.

Karyn’s haunting words from ForBrownGirls.com are heartbreaking, as her vision has always been to empower…

“As humans, regardless of color, age, socio-economic status, gender, and other characteristics, we MUST build each other up rather than tear each other down in order to change the world and create a better place for our children and future generations. As women, it is imperative as well as our duty to love ourselves unconditionally, smile and laugh often, and NEVER allow ANYONE to steal our joy.”

LiaLia, a close friend of Karyn’s wrote this heartfelt blog, mourning her friend. In it, she mentioned that she knew a “tad bit” about what Karyn was going through and wished that she could have been there for her…

“I remember I’d cover my mouth when i laughed. I had just gotten braces and I wasn’t quite comfortable yet. I was the epitome of an awkward little black girl. You told me I could be your brace face buddy. I think that was the first time if ever heard the term “brace face” !!! Lol & it certainly wasn’t the last either. We’d talk a lot about school and other silly stuff that probably didn’t matter much, but you gave me so much comfort. Now that I think about it, that amazes me. We were only in middle school and there you were inspiring me and teaching me to love my brown self in the most subtle ways. It is no surprise that you would go on to do such amazing things. May “For Brown Girls” (FBG) continue to thrive. That will forever be your brand, your movement, and your legacy! You’re amazing and even at such the young and tender age of 22 you’ve touched the lives of many all over the world. You inspire me and so many other people so much more than you could’ve ever imagined. I wish you could’ve seen the true magnitude of that.

When I look at you I see a reflection of myself and most certainly that is why this hurts so badly. From now on I’ll forever remember your big beautiful smile, your charm, ambition, professionalism, entrepreneurship, confidence, humility, your drive, and your beautiful Brown Skin. That is what I’ll choose to remember… because to be honest, I’m a bit angry with you. Indeed I’m being selfish, but my heart is devastated- yet, because I know a tad bit about what you were going through I can understand. I’m guilt tripping because I wish I could’ve been there for you a little bit more. I’m so sorry, but I can’t help but to think that with just a little bit more time or a little less distance, proximity would’ve allowed me to make, maybe the slightest difference…. Forgive me!”

- See more at: http://www.blackmediascoop.com/for-brown-girls-founder-karyn-washington-dead-at-22/#sthash.GMUcYkYS.dpuf

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I see what you are saying and understand, though I think there is a difference. Correct me if I'm misunderstanding but it seems to be educating on coping with mental illness/depression which is taboo, not recognized, considered weak vs black women wanting to kill themselves for being black?

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wow, that was powerful....I agree it's hard for Black women, their bear the burden of an imperfect society. I also believe it is ignorance within our Black community about mental illness, if you don't feel good about yourself, talking to someone can and does help give you perspective, unfortunately not much is understood about depression as it relates to genetics, or chemical imbalances. Someone could be depressed clinically and yet blame themselves for what may be a medical condition with a etiology.

 

Whenever I get those thoughts, I've told myself to always stop and remember that there is always hope, no matter what I have gone thru, I have always come out the other end ...okay

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I see what you are saying and understand, though I think there is a difference. Correct me if I'm misunderstanding but it seems to be educating on coping with mental illness/depression which is taboo, not recognized, considered weak vs black women wanting to kill themselves for being black?

It's both, it's being a Black woman and shouldering the belief that as a Black woman you dont cry, you don't break, this is what Black women are taught in order to survive being so low on the totem pole. So when a Black woman experiences depression, it's frowned upon to even acknowledge you need help, if we called it depression, you must be weak or crazy as fuck, when neither is true. We do need more education on mental illness though, because we don't know how to even deal with it for others and ourselves.

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