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In Today’s Climate, how is Everybody?


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I know this forum isn’t as active anymore. But I wanted to check in to see how everyone is doing with what’s going on in the world today. 

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30 minutes ago, Angela said:

I know this forum isn’t as active anymore. But I wanted to check in to see how everyone is doing with what’s going on in the world today. 

I appreciate this thread... it's hard talking about this. I know everyone is struggling and I just never go too far in depth because I don't want to dwell there or add to their worries by worrying about me. 

Covid was/(is!) 1 thing... the isolation had taken a slight toll on my sanity but I've been able to soldier through as I am more of a lone wolf anyway. I was able to keep hope alive that the world would emerge wiser and forced to change for the better.

What's been happening recently... it makes me feel there is no justice, and no hope. I feel I need to stay informed but I realized how unnatural/scarring it is to see so much real life violence playing out, so I've been starting to put a cap on how much I'm looking at. It's been really fucking me up, and I can't imagine how my black friends must feel. It's just sick, and evil, and it's honestly giving me a phobia of people in this world and what they are capable of. 

How are you holding up Angie? 

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10 hours ago, Aquaria said:

I appreciate this thread... it's hard talking about this. I know everyone is struggling and I just never go too far in depth because I don't want to dwell there or add to their worries by worrying about me. 

Covid was/(is!) 1 thing... the isolation had taken a slight toll on my sanity but I've been able to soldier through as I am more of a lone wolf anyway. I was able to keep hope alive that the world would emerge wiser and forced to change for the better.

What's been happening recently... it makes me feel there is no justice, and no hope. I feel I need to stay informed but I realized how unnatural/scarring it is to see so much real life violence playing out, so I've been starting to put a cap on how much I'm looking at. It's been really fucking me up, and I can't imagine how my black friends must feel. It's just sick, and evil, and it's honestly giving me a phobia of people in this world and what they are capable of. 

How are you holding up Angie? 

I pretty much like you, and in that I am a lone wolf. I missed seeing my family but my parents are over 60 and I didn’t want to risk getting on a flight and potentially exposing them. I went outside for my own sanity. I will say that I’m grateful to still have a job and not going out has helped me to save money so I’m appreciative of it. 
 

With all of the killings, I was doing a great job of compartmentalizing but Breonna Taylor’s killing was the first major crack in my facade and then George Floyd was the final tipping point. It’s really hard to work when there’s such a huge burden weighing on you. Last week was really rough and I didn’t know how much I was holding in until I was on a conference call and a senior leader brought it up and I started to cry. Thank goodness we weren’t on camera because I cried really hard for about 20 minutes. I called my brothers and sister just to talk to them and check in on them and I had a really difficult conversation with my mom. 
 

I am a huge supporter of the protests and while I’m saddened about some businesses being destroyed that currently serve underserved communities, I’m a supporter of the movement. As a Black woman, I just get so tired of waiting for justice and to be seen as human. And this last couple of days, tensions have been high at work and I finally told someone off because there are so many bigger things on my mind than a number on a PowerPoint chart. The violence has been scary, admittedly. I live 0.25 miles from a really nice street in Chicago that was looted. I couldn’t go outside and I had to have a couple of backup plans just in case they got to my apartment building. 
 

I will also express my sincere gratitude and appreciation of my nonblack friends and acquaintances intentionally reaching out to check on me. I’ve been very moved and I remain hopeful. 

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What an exciting time to be alive? It's the wildest year I've ever seen in my entire life. It's a lot to wrap your head around, I will say I truly was floored by the mass amount of protests taking place across dozens of cities. Tonight protests in Detroit are planned. 

I took a break for a moment, a break around late April as course work had come to most of it's completion. After that I made a plan, I need to take stock, of where the hell am I and what am I doing? Is this course of action appropriate or not? I agree with Rocco I began to take in news again, on an decidedly active basis. I found I can only tolerate so much "news" I write that in quotes because I hear a ton of commentary more that anything. 

I made it a point to stay in contact and around my people. I made regular trips back home to check in on the welfare of my mother, brother and father, the closest members of my family to me. I would text and or call, as I get older i realize not to take family for granted, I lost an aunt to Covid-19 and we buried her watching from a limo window was as close as we got. 

With the "extra" time spent not actually working but being able to focus in and reflect....I'm soul searching, what do I want in life, what makes me happy, and being productive is important to me. I have all of my requirements to begin the professional portion of pharmacy school done. In the meantime Ive cleaned the hell out of my place,  removing things I have no use for and letting go. Cooking more because its cheaper and I can actually cook -_- My way of trying to remain balanced in this was to take the time to stay on my shit. I only hate that I've eaten everything in sight and put on a few pounds... :lmao:  I mean exercise is a fail for me, I have to accept that reality :lmao:  I do maintain a regular schedule for eating and sleeping. I am in bed by 11pmish, and up before 9am often 6am. The early bird gets the worm. If I watch TV it has to be good stuff, but I really tried to incorporate more books. I pay attention to my environment,  what is going on around me? I get up take walk around the neighborhood, I see people jogging, gathering together in different ways but also distancing. 

social media has shown out :sigh: and I'm avoiding that to a degree, like you folks do what ya do. Its because you have these "friends" that say shit and they gotta be put on mute. It happens to all us -_- I've come to the conclusion its best to fly under the radar, which is to say that I will NOT engage in politics unless I know who I'm dealing with. Lots of folks on mute for saying the worst things and or agreeing. 

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I'm doing good but it's so scary these days. I feel bad for the younger generation having to grow up and see all this shit. I'm also in another way happy that after all the fighting and protesting to be treated like normal human beings these younger ones are out there in the streets protesting like the ones before us have done. What makes me see more hope in the future is that all these white people are out here protesting for us and with us. I've never seen this in my lifetime. Yes i'm sure back in the day a few whites have marched in protest with blacks but now when you look at the protests other races are outnumbering us and it's about time. We would never be able to do this by ourselves. We need them by our side. Angie idk if you're still out there in L.A. but its a shitfest out there. Y'all LAPD got dragged along with the police chief Michel Moore. The citizens were calling in getting on that ass. Cursing him out, calling them all trash, saying "fuck you", threatening to find out where they live and all kinds of info. One white boy called in and told him if he doesn't resign there's gonna be hell to pay and that he has no choice but to do what the people of LA say. :o 

 

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On 6/2/2020 at 10:12 AM, Angela said:

I pretty much like you, and in that I am a lone wolf. I missed seeing my family but my parents are over 60 and I didn’t want to risk getting on a flight and potentially exposing them. I went outside for my own sanity. I will say that I’m grateful to still have a job and not going out has helped me to save money so I’m appreciative of it. 
 

With all of the killings, I was doing a great job of compartmentalizing but Breonna Taylor’s killing was the first major crack in my facade and then George Floyd was the final tipping point. It’s really hard to work when there’s such a huge burden weighing on you. Last week was really rough and I didn’t know how much I was holding in until I was on a conference call and a senior leader brought it up and I started to cry. Thank goodness we weren’t on camera because I cried really hard for about 20 minutes. I called my brothers and sister just to talk to them and check in on them and I had a really difficult conversation with my mom. 
 

I am a huge supporter of the protests and while I’m saddened about some businesses being destroyed that currently serve underserved communities, I’m a supporter of the movement. As a Black woman, I just get so tired of waiting for justice and to be seen as human. And this last couple of days, tensions have been high at work and I finally told someone off because there are so many bigger things on my mind than a number on a PowerPoint chart. The violence has been scary, admittedly. I live 0.25 miles from a really nice street in Chicago that was looted. I couldn’t go outside and I had to have a couple of backup plans just in case they got to my apartment building. 
 

I will also express my sincere gratitude and appreciation of my nonblack friends and acquaintances intentionally reaching out to check on me. I’ve been very moved and I remain hopeful. 

I truly hope you are doing ok as can be and hanging in there. I love and support you (and all in this thread). 

As awful and heart wrenching as this is... look at the entire WORLD rising up to demand justice. It is inspiring. 

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12 hours ago, JoeJoe said:

I'm doing good but it's so scary these days. I feel bad for the younger generation having to grow up and see all this shit. I'm also in another way happy that after all the fighting and protesting to be treated like normal human beings these younger ones are out there in the streets protesting like the ones before us have done. What makes me see more hope in the future is that all these white people are out here protesting for us and with us. I've never seen this in my lifetime. Yes i'm sure back in the day a few whites have marched in protest with blacks but now when you look at the protests other races are outnumbering us and it's about time. We would never be able to do this by ourselves. We need them by our side. Angie idk if you're still out there in L.A. but its a shitfest out there. Y'all LAPD got dragged along with the police chief Michel Moore. The citizens were calling in getting on that ass. Cursing him out, calling them all trash, saying "fuck you", threatening to find out where they live and all kinds of info. One white boy called in and told him if he doesn't resign there's gonna be hell to pay and that he has no choice but to do what the people of LA say. :o 

 

I’m in Chicago now and it’s a mess over here as well. I live in downtown Chicago and safety has been an issue. Last weekend was wild! There was some looting a couple of blocks from me. It’s a mess but in some weird ways, it’s encouraging. 

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3 hours ago, Aquaria said:

I truly hope you are doing ok as can be and hanging in there. I love and support you (and all in this thread). 

As awful and heart wrenching as this is... look at the entire WORLD rising up to demand justice. It is inspiring. 

Yeah. I think I’m going to take a mental health day soon to just recharge. Yesterday was heavy. I had friends/allies reaching out and we had some very emotional conversations. A lot weighing on me right now but I honestly hadn’t expected this kind of reaction. It just feels different. And that helps. 

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18 hours ago, Angela said:

Yeah. I think I’m going to take a mental health day soon to just recharge. Yesterday was heavy. I had friends/allies reaching out and we had some very emotional conversations. A lot weighing on me right now but I honestly hadn’t expected this kind of reaction. It just feels different. And that helps. 

You know what - it helps too to hear you say that.  As much as I want to (and am) stand up for people of colour right now, it is a bit of a minefield because like many white people I don't want to offend.  But it helps to have read things like being told that it's better to say something and get it wrong than to not say anything at all.  It's really encouraging to me that things are actually happening, like Chauvin's charge being increased and the other three officers arrested and charged, but at the same time I'm aware that white people need to be watched at this point, that we don't rest on our laurels because this one thing happened.  After all, the officers who beat Rodney King were all arrested, and they got off because the jury was white.  White people don't get to stop pulling up just because some officers in the latest case were arrested. 

What I think I do need to do is find the line between saying stuff all the time and listening to others.  My sister in law messaged me on Insta a couple days ago and told me to 'move on'.  When I asked 'Why?' she said because I have been signed off with anxiety and depression she worries that this issue can have an impact on mental health.  While I understand that, I also understand that moving on is not an option.  It's only my privilege that would allow me to do that.  I cannot.  I could spend hours reading social media posts but have come to realise that a lot of them are making the same point, and it's a point that I DO get.  I do want to keep on top of updates though.

I hope you all don't mind me saying this here, I'm just pouring out some of what's been going through my head the last few days.

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1 hour ago, Selz said:

You know what - it helps too to hear you say that.  As much as I want to (and am) stand up for people of colour right now, it is a bit of a minefield because like many white people I don't want to offend.  But it helps to have read things like being told that it's better to say something and get it wrong than to not say anything at all.  It's really encouraging to me that things are actually happening, like Chauvin's charge being increased and the other three officers arrested and charged, but at the same time I'm aware that white people need to be watched at this point, that we don't rest on our laurels because this one thing happened.  After all, the officers who beat Rodney King were all arrested, and they got off because the jury was white.  White people don't get to stop pulling up just because some officers in the latest case were arrested. 

What I think I do need to do is find the line between saying stuff all the time and listening to others.  My sister in law messaged me on Insta a couple days ago and told me to 'move on'.  When I asked 'Why?' she said because I have been signed off with anxiety and depression she worries that this issue can have an impact on mental health.  While I understand that, I also understand that moving on is not an option.  It's only my privilege that would allow me to do that.  I cannot.  I could spend hours reading social media posts but have come to realise that a lot of them are making the same point, and it's a point that I DO get.  I do want to keep on top of updates though.

I hope you all don't mind me saying this here, I'm just pouring out some of what's been going through my head the last few days.

I think what's key as allies is taking the back seat and supporting. Listening. Amplifying black voices. 

As Brittany Packnett Cunningham (@mspackyetti) keeps saying, "We Save Us." What we as allies can do is continue to educate ourselves and our non-BIPOC friends and family. Donate to causes and as I said before amplify black voices.

Also, taking care of mental health right now is SO IMPORTANT. I feel like even the most "solid" people right now are feeling this strain, let alone people affected by anxiety, depression, etc. You're right that this is not something we "move on" from and it's important to continue to stay engaged and keep supporting this movement. That being said, I've been reading it's healthy to limit your social/news intake to a designated time and cap it off so you are not incessantly refreshing your feed and building more and more anxiety. 

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13 hours ago, Selz said:

You know what - it helps too to hear you say that.  As much as I want to (and am) stand up for people of colour right now, it is a bit of a minefield because like many white people I don't want to offend.  But it helps to have read things like being told that it's better to say something and get it wrong than to not say anything at all.  It's really encouraging to me that things are actually happening, like Chauvin's charge being increased and the other three officers arrested and charged, but at the same time I'm aware that white people need to be watched at this point, that we don't rest on our laurels because this one thing happened.  After all, the officers who beat Rodney King were all arrested, and they got off because the jury was white.  White people don't get to stop pulling up just because some officers in the latest case were arrested. 

What I think I do need to do is find the line between saying stuff all the time and listening to others.  My sister in law messaged me on Insta a couple days ago and told me to 'move on'.  When I asked 'Why?' she said because I have been signed off with anxiety and depression she worries that this issue can have an impact on mental health.  While I understand that, I also understand that moving on is not an option.  It's only my privilege that would allow me to do that.  I cannot.  I could spend hours reading social media posts but have come to realise that a lot of them are making the same point, and it's a point that I DO get.  I do want to keep on top of updates though.

I hope you all don't mind me saying this here, I'm just pouring out some of what's been going through my head the last few days.

I’ve seen your activity on Facebook and I genuinely appreciate it. We will see how this all plays out with the officers because while I’d like to believe they’d go to jail, I’ve seen this movie too many times. It’s been interesting and fascinating to see more White people advocate and explain racism to other White people. Far too often it has been the plight of the oppressed to talk to the oppressor and that never made sense to me. I think you have to balance your activity with your self-care. For example, Tuesday was a bad day for me in terms of being emotionally spent. So much so I forgot to eat and that never happens to me.  It’s a long fight so give yourself the space and the energy. Thank You for being willing to do the work. 

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11 hours ago, Aquaria said:

I think what's key as allies is taking the back seat and supporting. Listening. Amplifying black voices. 

As Brittany Packnett Cunningham (@mspackyetti) keeps saying, "We Save Us." What we as allies can do is continue to educate ourselves and our non-BIPOC friends and family. Donate to causes and as I said before amplify black voices.

Also, taking care of mental health right now is SO IMPORTANT. I feel like even the most "solid" people right now are feeling this strain, let alone people affected by anxiety, depression, etc. You're right that this is not something we "move on" from and it's important to continue to stay engaged and keep supporting this movement. That being said, I've been reading it's healthy to limit your social/news intake to a designated time and cap it off so you are not incessantly refreshing your feed and building more and more anxiety. 

I would agree with this. I’ve limited the amount of news I’ve watched just to guard my own sanity. And then at times I’ve watched shows like The Office or 90 Day Fiance to remind myself to laugh. I may start journaling. 

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On 6/4/2020 at 10:51 AM, Selz said:

You know what - it helps too to hear you say that.  As much as I want to (and am) stand up for people of colour right now, it is a bit of a minefield because like many white people I don't want to offend.  But it helps to have read things like being told that it's better to say something and get it wrong than to not say anything at all.  It's really encouraging to me that things are actually happening, like Chauvin's charge being increased and the other three officers arrested and charged, but at the same time I'm aware that white people need to be watched at this point, that we don't rest on our laurels because this one thing happened.  After all, the officers who beat Rodney King were all arrested, and they got off because the jury was white.  White people don't get to stop pulling up just because some officers in the latest case were arrested. 

What I think I do need to do is find the line between saying stuff all the time and listening to others.  My sister in law messaged me on Insta a couple days ago and told me to 'move on'.  When I asked 'Why?' she said because I have been signed off with anxiety and depression she worries that this issue can have an impact on mental health.  While I understand that, I also understand that moving on is not an option.  It's only my privilege that would allow me to do that.  I cannot.  I could spend hours reading social media posts but have come to realise that a lot of them are making the same point, and it's a point that I DO get.  I do want to keep on top of updates though.

I hope you all don't mind me saying this here, I'm just pouring out some of what's been going through my head the last few days.

as a man of color, many Black and Brown folks know who our allies are and perhaps more importantly who they are not. I get this impression that you feel the burden of carrying this "struggle" on your own shoulders, in that I believe that is not a "struggle" for you to carry. Why should you bare the cross of humanities sins? You are not responsible for the actions of those who happen to look like you.  It's greatly appreciated that you voice concern, and in some ways are part of a new "normal" wherein white folks are speaking up in this moment. 

We all, no matter who we are, have to take care of ourselves, because if you don't you're not good to anyone. Take care of you, racism was here before you came and it'll be here after. That said, As others here have voiced, take in only so much of the news, because while its disheartening I believe new cycles can be toxic and desensitizing. Take some time to evaluate what your thoughts are regarding what's occurring and formulate your own ideas about the realities we are in. For example, I cannot recall a white officer ever going to prison for having killed a person of color, not one. So I dont expect much, because the record has given me too many "I know how this movie ends" to warrant expectations.

I will say, interestingly, that I have become acutely aware, even more lately, that I'm a black man. Being a person of color comes with that state of existence an entire litany of "this is just how it will be for you" and we learn to work around or circumvent "unfairness" I must admit even leaving my place to go for a walk to think and clear my head, again, I am very aware of my surroundings, who is present, and my all important go to: ARE THERE OTHER BLACK PEOPLE AROUND!!!!....to a marked degree my anxiety decreases when I see my people, there's strength in numbers, I also fear for my own safety in the event someone ignorant decides I'm the one to steal on in that moment.

 

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And that’s why I can’t even wrap my head around how exhausted you all must feel. To have that mental checklist running through at every second. I’ve heard many black people say they know how this movie ends, but I will still pray to the God who is more powerful than any of these oppressive systems, that THIS time might be different.

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  • 2 weeks later...

it's too much, everyone with an opinion feels like its cool to say whatever the hell they feel like saying, regardless of how it affects others. I can only do social media so long now adding that to the news. People say and do ignorant things :sigh: 

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  • 5 weeks later...

Things are getting worse, with the combo of summer and the increase in cases out there, people are mad, and acting out. I walk for my own fitness, today I was crossing a street and was well out of the way of anyone, yet this white guy blows his horn, and for the first time I thought to myself my safety could be in danger from some fool out here. Not to make any long story, all I'm saying is this race deal in the country is like a powder keg with a lit fuse, and it's going to explode.

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19 hours ago, Bailey said:

Things are getting worse, with the combo of summer and the increase in cases out there, people are mad, and acting out. I walk for my own fitness, today I was crossing a street and was well out of the way of anyone, yet this white guy blows his horn, and for the first time I thought to myself my safety could be in danger from some fool out here. Not to make any long story, all I'm saying is this race deal in the country is like a powder keg with a lit fuse, and it's going to explode.

Genuine question - what made you think the reason he blew his horn was because you were black, or that he was white?  I know you didnt say that, but thats my part interpretation.

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4 hours ago, vibeology said:

Genuine question - what made you think the reason he blew his horn was because you were black, or that he was white?  I know you didnt say that, but thats my part interpretation.

There is an aggression out here, I walked past a sign nailed to a tree that said "we need more cops, support cops" I tore it down ripped it up and threw it in the trash. Make no mistake about it, America is in a very angry place right now, for several reasons. I was crossing the street and for my own safety I make sure to gauge can I cross here safely? Do I have enough time to do that with the speed and distance of the other vehicle? I did with this car I was in the turn lane and then on the other side before he had approached he did not have to slow down nor did he have to blow his horn. In my mind the white man blew his horn as a sign to tell me the rode was his and I was in his way, even when I was not, do NOT think there isn't a shit ton of aggression out here against black folks. If you think nothing was up, then explain to me why this white man is on his horn blaring at me when all I was doing is crossing the street and NOT disrupting his driving? 

I have this permanent condition called being a Black man in America, when a Black person tells you something is off, listen to them because that Black person has over 400 plus years of evidence to support their claim :filenails:  the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence :umm:

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4 hours ago, vibeology said:

Genuine question - what made you think the reason he blew his horn was because you were black, or that he was white?  I know you didnt say that, but thats my part interpretation.

it's the same gut feeling we get as Black folks when shopping, I was shopping for a belt in the mall, when they were open, and all of a sudden I have 6 Mexicans that are shopping for belts too :filenails:  OHhh so we playing this shit? So when you stop me and say something outta line, I'm calling the police and letting you know I have a pocket full of cash and credit cards, go "steal" on another ninja you got the wrong one here. I'm not doing this, if I tell you something is off, believe me :umm: How do I know this? For Blacks in America, not knowing what time it is, can be the difference between life and death.

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20 hours ago, Bailey said:

There is an aggression out here, I walked past a sign nailed to a tree that said "we need more cops, support cops" I tore it down ripped it up and threw it in the trash. Make no mistake about it, America is in a very angry place right now, for several reasons. I was crossing the street and for my own safety I make sure to gauge can I cross here safely? Do I have enough time to do that with the speed and distance of the other vehicle? I did with this car I was in the turn lane and then on the other side before he had approached he did not have to slow down nor did he have to blow his horn. In my mind the white man blew his horn as a sign to tell me the rode was his and I was in his way, even when I was not, do NOT think there isn't a shit ton of aggression out here against black folks. If you think nothing was up, then explain to me why this white man is on his horn blaring at me when all I was doing is crossing the street and NOT disrupting his driving? 

I have this permanent condition called being a Black man in America, when a Black person tells you something is off, listen to them because that Black person has over 400 plus years of evidence to support their claim :filenails:  the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence :umm:

Well, I cannot dismiss your experience in the US. Its somewhat a different experience here yet I feel a underlying tension at present, which is being aggravated by the media.

I actually believe its unhealthy to our psyche when we believe everything negative happens due to our skin. The guy could have been an arsehole, in a bad mood or hurry. He could have done the same to others at anytime. I guess for me, it has to be explicit or I can compare their behaviour in another situation. You had no clue about this dude other than that he beeped his horn! Once again im not trying to knock your experience, its just how I analyse things

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3 hours ago, vibeology said:

Well, I cannot dismiss your experience in the US. Its somewhat a different experience here yet I feel a underlying tension at present, which is being aggravated by the media.

I actually believe its unhealthy to our psyche when we believe everything negative happens due to our skin. The guy could have been an arsehole, in a bad mood or hurry. He could have done the same to others at anytime. I guess for me, it has to be explicit or I can compare their behaviour in another situation. You had no clue about this dude other than that he beeped his horn! Once again im not trying to knock your experience, its just how I analyse things

your critique is valid, and any of those possibilites could in fact be true, however in the present context, I am a Black man in America, I have to protect myself in any and every situation, I cannot afford to be lax in my "looking over my shoulder" attitude, I cannot afford to give every white person a pass and think there's racism out there, it's just not coming my way. 

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