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My Ex Thread


Bailey

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Ok so me and my ex broke up, I ended it months ago he was emotionally abusive and manipulative. After 3 days apart he went right back to sex sites, I have a friend I talk to regularly now and that friend told me that I was wrong to think he would not be having sex, and that was unrealistic. I felt like if you loved me then how could you turn around and be all about getting some two days after we separate. I was also told that me and my ex could be friends, but I have read alot about bad relationships and ours was toxic he was focused alot on sex, and he would neveer jus be a friend he would want sex too, my issue is that I was hurt by his behavior and I think if someone treats you badly when your with them why be friends after? Ask questions give comments

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Wait ...is this the one you were having issues with awhile back?

yes if you remember the details I wont go into them, but I have so many questions, one I know alot of you dnot do white dudes, but this guy I think has really turned black men into a fetish. I also know that he is a liar and a manipulator, so for me its like he is a bunch of drama. I guess we are all different but he got over things fast lets say, you tell me what you remember and think, someone that I know that knows him recently told me he is just basically a freak and theres no hope of making a wife outta a ho

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I hate to say this boo, but once the relationship was over he was free to do whatever he wanted to do; whether it was 2 days or 2 months after the break up. I can understand why you would be upset, but technically, I don't beleive you have a right to be. I agree with the friend who said it was unrealistic to think he would not be having sex, because you described your ex and someone who focused on sex a lot. I always tell people when they are dating and getting into a new relationship, or when they are ending a relationship, if the other person is not a virgin, do not expect them to not have sex for long periods of time while waiting on your ass. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I had sex maybe 2 or 3 weeks afterward with someone that I had a fling with prior to the start of my relationship. If i'm not in a relationship, I keep a "special understanding" with a special someone. We are both very open with what we do because neither of us want to be sleeping with each other if we are having sex with every Tom, Dick, and Harry; we value our health and have a certain level of respect for each other. I know that I am not one who will go without sex for a long period of time. So, if our relationship ends, know that I will not be waiting around for when I think you are ready for me to move on. Me having sex has nothing to do with you, the ex. It doesn't reflect how I feel or felt about you; i'm simply exercising my right to act in a manner I feel is ok given my current status, SINGLE. As far as being friends with an ex, i'm not for it. I have no problem being "friendly" and civil, but friendship is out of the question, especially if we ended because my trust was broken.

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Didn't he have sex with other people while you were dating? Somethign about christmas eve rings a bell.......so why wouldnt he when you broke up?

All I remember from this whole situation is that you came across like a doormat, letting him walk over you.

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yes if you remember the details I wont go into them, but I have so many questions, one I know alot of you dnot do white dudes, but this guy I think has really turned black men into a fetish. I also know that he is a liar and a manipulator, so for me its like he is a bunch of drama. I guess we are all different but he got over things fast lets say, you tell me what you remember and think, someone that I know that knows him recently told me he is just basically a freak and theres no hope of making a wife outta a ho

Everyone told you that he had a BM fetish, and that YOU were playing ito it yourself by basically saying what you had to offer was your big black dick. I hope you learned from this....sorry to be harsh, but im getting frustraed just remembering this situation.

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I hate to say this boo, but once the relationship was over he was free to do whatever he wanted to do; whether it was 2 days or 2 months after the break up. I can understand why you would be upset, but technically, I don't beleive you have a right to be. I agree with the friend who said it was unrealistic to think he would not be having sex, because you described your ex and someone who focused on sex a lot. I always tell people when they are dating and getting into a new relationship, or when they are ending a relationship, if the other person is not a virgin, do not expect them to not have sex for long periods of time while waiting on your ass. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I had sex maybe 2 or 3 weeks afterward with someone that I had a fling with prior to the start of my relationship. If i'm not in a relationship, I keep a "special understanding" with a special someone. We are both very open with what we do because neither of us want to be sleeping with each other if we are having sex with every Tom, Dick, and Harry; we value our health and have a certain level of respect for each other. I know that I am not one who will go without sex for a long period of time. So, if our relationship ends, know that I will not be waiting around for when I think you are ready for me to move on. Me having sex has nothing to do with you, the ex. It doesn't reflect how I feel or felt about you; i'm simply exercising my right to act in a manner I feel is ok given my current status, SINGLE. As far as being friends with an ex, i'm not for it. I have no problem being "friendly" and civil, but friendship is out of the question, especially if we ended because my trust was broken.

damn good reply!, I was told that my thinking processes were wrong, I was so busy thinking about my conclusions I failed to see that my friend was telling me basically what you are saying that my thought processes are wrong. So I took myself off those sex sites, he is on them maybe I should be too

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Didn't he have sex with other people while you were dating? Somethign about christmas eve rings a bell.......so why wouldnt he when you broke up?

All I remember from this whole situation is that you came across like a doormat, letting him walk over you.

i was the doormat and he just got worst so it is what it is i am told I should have been more agressive with him and assertive

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JBailey, I love you honey, but you seem to have had ZERO respect for yourself in that relationship. Don't go around expecting everyone to treat you equally. More often than not, especially in a relationship, you will be treated accordingly. If you act like a doormat, you will be treated like a doormat. If you put up with disrespect, you will be disrespected. You described your ex as being abusive and manipulative. My question to you is this, why did you feel the need to accept being abused and manipulated? You should have showed him the door a long time ago.

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i was the doormat and he just got worst so it is what it is i am told I should have been more agressive with him and assertive

You are an very attractive, seemingly kind person and you deserve better than anyone who treats you with such disrespect. Just remember that he is the one who lost out, not you. Never allow yourself to be treated like a door mat because you will be walked over. Always set your boundaries and stick to them. One thing I have learned is that its always best to stand up for yourself, and to be honest, a lot of men want you more and treat you better if you act like you are someone who deserves it.

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JBailey, I love you honey, but you seem to have had ZERO respect for yourself in that relationship. Don't go around expecting everyone to treat you equally. More often than not, especially in a relationship, you will be treated accordingly. If you act like a doormat, you will be treated like a doormat. If you put up with disrespect, you will be disrespected. You described your ex as being abusive and manipulative. My question to you is this, why did you feel the need to accept being abused and manipulated? You should have showed him the door a long time ago.

we live and we learn, unfortanetly I have been informed that my thought processes were wrong and that if I broke them altogether I would not have the conclusions I do. I thought that if I treated someone the way I wanted to be treated that person would treat me well, I have learned the hard way as my ex would say "what you allow is what you teach" I also know that there are some co-dependent issues here and self esteem issues, all of which im in recovery shall we say dealing with those issues

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You are an very attractive, seemingly kind person and you deserve better than anyone who treats you with such disrespect. Just remember that he is the one who lost out, not you. Never allow yourself to be treated like a door mat because you will be walked over. Always set your boundaries and stick to them. One thing I have learned is that its always best to stand up for yourself, and to be honest, a lot of men want you more and treat you better if you act like you are someone who deserves it.

thats what im learning, he even told me I needed to be more assertive with him it was like he desired it, but we all get the understanding here respect yourself first sure, none of that tkes away the fact he was a cheater a liar and a manipulator, in other respects sure the only bad shit that happens to us in relationships is what we allow to happen I let alot go.

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the issue now is should I even deal with this person at all, something really crazy happen, as life goes I guess, I used to drive 2 hours one way to see him, he got a transfer and promotion for his job so now he lives 25 mins away from me, he wants me around and all that, but I do still have emotions even though I ended the relationship because he basically put nothing into it. What im asking here is should I even bother? I read online that if someone treated you like shit, whether you allowed it or not, you should not be friends after, besides I know he is basically a man whore. BUT we did have amazing chemistry I was told that we would not have gone as long as we did if it was all just sex, so im trying to figure out how to fit this person into my life somehow and accept that he will be getting fucked by black guys in my area some of which I know.

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we live and we learn, unfortanetly I have been informed that my thought processes were wrong and that if I broke them altogether I would not have the conclusions I do. I thought that if I treated someone the way I wanted to be treated that person would treat me well, I have learned the hard way as my ex would say "what you allow is what you teach" I also know that there are some co-dependent issues here and self esteem issues, all of which im in recovery shall we say dealing with those issues

you will be reading True You from cover to cover the day it comes out lol...but it's good that you have come to this realization...when you know better, you do better (but this only applies to mature people, which I beleive that you are)

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you will be reading True You from cover to cover the day it comes out lol...but it's good that you have come to this realization...when you know better, you do better (but this only applies to mature people, which I beleive that you are)

that is right self esteem sure, condfidence, funny thing is I feel more attractive now then before, in any case I dont know nor see how are we going to be "friends" and he wants sex too, but that issue is he wants what he wants only on his terms and when he wants it so say I want some and im looking for it and he is not then I dont get it, but let it be him and its all about him im like Brian the world is not all about you, he is very selfish and stubborn

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the issue now is should I even deal with this person at all, something really crazy happen, as life goes I guess, I used to drive 2 hours one way to see him, he got a transfer and promotion for his job so now he lives 25 mins away from me, he wants me around and all that, but I do still have emotions even though I ended the relationship because he basically put nothing into it. What im asking here is should I even bother? I read online that if someone treated you like shit, whether you allowed it or not, you should not be friends after, besides I know he is basically a man whore. BUT we did have amazing chemistry I was told that we would not have gone as long as we did if it was all just sex, so im trying to figure out how to fit this person into my life somehow and accept that he will be getting fucked by black guys in my area some of which I know.

The best thing to do is close the door for a good few months until you are healed. If you see him it will be like scratching off a scab, and the healing process will be longer. At least if you give yourself time, you will be able to look at him without all the emotion and see him for who he is. Going to see him, hearing about the guys he is sleeping with will just be unnescessary pain. You got to think of yourself matey.

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the issue now is should I even deal with this person at all, something really crazy happen, as life goes I guess, I used to drive 2 hours one way to see him, he got a transfer and promotion for his job so now he lives 25 mins away from me, he wants me around and all that, but I do still have emotions even though I ended the relationship because he basically put nothing into it. What im asking here is should I even bother? I read online that if someone treated you like shit, whether you allowed it or not, you should not be friends after, besides I know he is basically a man whore. BUT we did have amazing chemistry I was told that we would not have gone as long as we did if it was all just sex, so im trying to figure out how to fit this person into my life somehow and accept that he will be getting fucked by black guys in my area some of which I know.

If he didn't respect you were together, he is not going to respect you now. Respect and trust is central to all relationships, be it a committed relationship or a friendship. He broke your trust and he disrespected you, period. That is someone who you should just leave to his own devices.

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The best thing to do is close the door for a good few months until you are healed. If you see him it will be like scratching off a scab, and the healing process will be longer. At least if you give yourself time, you will be able to look at him without all the emotion and see him for who he is. Going to see him, hearing about the guys he is sleeping with will just be unnescessary pain. You got to think of yourself matey.

thats what I thought too that im just opening the wound up again and again, maybe when I am healed I wont want him at all, what do you think? I mean part of me really thinks what will happen is I will see him as a slut and that I dont like him at all, I dont like his immaturity, like last time I saw him about two weeks ago he was all about going out to the bar, I said I came here to spend the night with you and just you not the bar so dont bring the bar up again once i get there, I failed to stand my ground we ended up at the bar but I did have fun, problem was he had an agenda he wanted to "show me off" but once we got to the bar his ex was there and some kid he "knows" was there too, he introduced me to the "kid" and this boy said after we were walking away "have fun with him" im like Brian whats THAT about? I did not want to be in a bar with my ex. I guess his other ex who I have not met saw me and did not know who I was and said "well at least that one is cute" Brian apparently loves drama, and he goes " my ex would not have said your cute if he knew who you were but he didnt recognize me"

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If he didn't respect you were together, he is not going to respect you now. Respect and trust is central to all relationships, be it a committed relationship or a friendship. He broke your trust and he disrespected you, period. That is someone who you should just leave to his own devices.

I think so too, issue is I changed my number and blocked him from emailing me he then emailed me from his work email, I was actually doing well I had not seen him in months and I was not talkign to him, one good thing about me is I dont call you, I have my father's pride, I would never contact Brian, so he actually said to me, because he had not heard from me that he thought I had committed suicide, this is the type of person I dealt with. I told him in response to the "i thought you committed suicide" I said "over what?" you?

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Ok so me and my ex broke up, I ended it months ago he was emotionally abusive and manipulative. After 3 days apart he went right back to sex sites, I have a friend I talk to regularly now and that friend told me that I was wrong to think he would not be having sex, and that was unrealistic. I felt like if you loved me then how could you turn around and be all about getting some two days after we separate. I was also told that me and my ex could be friends, but I have read alot about bad relationships and ours was toxic he was focused alot on sex, and he would neveer jus be a friend he would want sex too, my issue is that I was hurt by his behavior and I think if someone treats you badly when your with them why be friends after? Ask questions give comments

How could you let that happen? If you wouldn't take that from a stranger on the street why take it from someone you're involved with?

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Everyone told you that he had a BM fetish, and that YOU were playing ito it yourself by basically saying what you had to offer was your big black dick. I hope you learned from this....sorry to be harsh, but im getting frustraed just remembering this situation.

apparently alot of people got frustrated over this and me, I lost a good friend over this I think I lost respect from him because he saw that I didnt respect myself, and basically people get tired of hearing about the same thing when they tell you what you need to hear and you keep putting your finger in the electrical socket anyway yet asking why does it shock me?

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How could you let that happen? If you wouldn't take that from a stranger on the street why take it from someone you're involved with?

look I know your a tough cookie, but lets all open our minds, this experience has forced me to grow and learn, so for you if your alone for what seems forever and you find someone madly attractive and they actually give you some attention you fall for the bullshit, its sad, its fucked, its wrong, but yes I let alot of bad shit go down the important thing is for folks to see that well jbailey is learning he did break it off, he isnt talking about how to get back with his ex but how to move on, im on the right path now, im growing, im learning to respect myself no one is perfect, that is what my friend told me, he said we ALL have our shortcomings, mine was wanting him so much I forgot about taking care of my own needs

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thats what I thought too that im just opening the wound up again and again, maybe when I am healed I wont want him at all, what do you think? I mean part of me really thinks what will happen is I will see him as a slut and that I dont like him at all, I dont like his immaturity, like last time I saw him about two weeks ago he was all about going out to the bar, I said I came here to spend the night with you and just you not the bar so dont bring the bar up again once i get there, I failed to stand my ground we ended up at the bar but I did have fun, problem was he had an agenda he wanted to "show me off" but once we got to the bar his ex was there and some kid he "knows" was there too, he introduced me to the "kid" and this boy said after we were walking away "have fun with him" im like Brian whats THAT about? I did not want to be in a bar with my ex. I guess his other ex who I have not met saw me and did not know who I was and said "well at least that one is cute" Brian apparently loves drama, and he goes " my ex would not have said your cute if he knew who you were but he didnt recognize me"

If you guys socialise in the same place then ur bound to see him out and around, if you see him, just smile and say hi. The best way to get to someone is to act indifferent. I'm thinking if you steer clear of him, there will come a time when you aren't bothered by him at all.

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If you guys socialise in the same place then ur bound to see him out and around, if you see him, just smile and say hi. The best way to get to someone is to act indifferent. I'm thinking if you steer clear of him, there will come a time when you aren't bothered by him at all.

now thats something for me to go off of, thank you so much, all of you, im thinking its time for me to do me and break off contact altogether, funny thing is the guys he finds are nothing compared to me, he said himself there is nothing here so he lost not me, but I have to grow, I cant be mister emotional, I tell him too much he tells me too little and lies alot too, im getting over this because honestly im tired of the bullshit im too old for this shit. Its just all weird because basically im learning there is no Santa and that the game is fucked up but were all in it so you have to play it or you lose you have no choice there, I dont want someone that thinks of black dick as a toy, I do want a committed monogamous relationship, in time when its right for me, Brian just fucked up alot anyway, so maybe one day he wont bother me, its just taking a minute for me to heal

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I dont want to end up being like his ex Corey, Corey sees him out with other guys and still talks to Brian, Brian said to me once "I can have Corey whenever I want him", "Corey begs to come over all the time" I dont want to leave Brian with the thought well "I can have Johnie whenever I want, Johnie loves me" funny thing is Brian never says the word love ever, not EVER, not once in 5 months since the break up, its almost like he is stuck on show no emotion never let them see you sweat, I made the mistake of telling him im not over it I love you, he NEVER says I love you to me EVER NOT ONCE

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