William Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 what up Wylium !!!! Hey Switchy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 Those last three sentences are the bomb dot com! Yaaasss!! I'm gonna make edits..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 Draft 4 September 14, 1814: the day Francis Scott Key penned the national anthem. The same week 175 years later, a new anthem was released, Rhythm Nation 1814. After establishing herself as one of the pop music's newest forces with 1986's Control, Janet Jackson set out to deal with a troubled world in a positive way. A 23 year-old woman diminutive in stature, but a voice the size of Texas captured the hearts and minds of Americans with the release of 1989's Rhythm Nation 1814. Jackson grabbed national attention by combining social issues with a contemporary music sound that was strong both musically and lyrically. Jackson's "nation" takes listeners on a journey through the harsh realities of poverty, homelessness, violence, drugs, and hunger, while aiming to inspire change through a nation rid of color lines, unity, and stressing the importance of education. Rhythm Nation 1814 opens with Jackson's political statement "Rhythm Nation", a song calling for unity and an end to racism. She is relentless in her pursuit as she belts, "It's time to give a damn let's work together!" The journey continues with the disturbing "State of the World" (which chronicles teenage pregnancy and homelessness), "The Knowledge" (a song solely responsible for encouraging high school dropouts Kia and Keisha Porter to finish school -- coincidentally, 1814 being the year the first women's college was founded), and "Livin' In A World (They Didn't Make)", which decries the reality of children being exposed to violence. Contrastingly, Jackson notes the nation's growth with progressive tracks including "Love Will Never Do (Without You)", which explores the advantages of racial harmony [or "promotes tolerance and understanding through racial harmony"]. "Alright" acknowledges the importance of interpersonal relationships, while "Escapade" explores the necessity of setting aside differences and enjoying life's offerings, and "Black Cat" cautions youth against using drugs. Short but poignant, the interludes, ranging from five to thirty seconds long, operate as segues between songs, tying them together and reinforcing the message of the album. Rhythm Nation 1814 continues to reflect the social and political climate of American life as the issues presented in Jackson's landmark work continue to make headlines today. In a country where cries for help have often fallen upon deaf ears, and the need for help has only been seen by the blind eye, Rhythm Nation 1814 has blossomed as a voice for the everyman in a country where cries can usually only be heard from the top. Jackson's formula of combining dance music with a positive message, a trend still present in pop music, was an unprecedented success - more than 14 million copies sold, Billboard chart records that bested those set by Michael Jackson and Bruce Springsteen, a record setting number of awards, and a level of success in which critics believed Jackson's success was rivaling that of older brother Michael's. Aside from the album's stratospheric success, Rhythm Nation 1814 is a call to action, a political statement, and a moment in music. The album's social commentary challenged disenfranchised people from all over the world to come together and stand up against injustice. By confronting America's issues, Jackson's goal of illustrating that "In complete darkness, we are all the same", had been fulfilled. The cultural and historical significance of Rhythm Nation 1814, an album so powerful it brought former President George H. W. Bush to one of Jackson's live shows, is immeasurable. Janet Jackson's "nation" had a rhythm that moved a nation, and inspired change through song and dance. Rhythm Nation 1814 remains a moment in history and a thread in the social fabric of America as one of your own inductees, Stevie Wonder, has named this album as the greatest pop album in history. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 Janet Jackson set out to deal with confront a troubled world in a positive way. I Beyonce-ed this line from one of those Billboard speeches, so that's why I kept it. A 23-year-old woman diminutive in stature, but with a voice the size of Texas, (rly?) I wanted to change that last part, but haven't been able to come up with anything yet. Janet Jackson grabbed national attention by combining pressing social issues with a contemporary music sound that was strong both musically and lyrically compelling. I didn't keep this one because "grabbed national attention" and "compelling" in one sentence would sound redundant. Plus the way Andy worded, it sounded so good. Jackson's "nation" takes listeners on a journey through the harsh realityies of poverty, hunger, homelessness, violence and drugs. while inspiring Jackson also aimed to inspire a nation rid of color lines, to create change through unity, and to stress the importance of education. With this, I had it all as one sentence to show the contrast of the album, rather than separating it into two sentences and making it two different ideas. Edited a lot with the second paragraph. But I can't think of an adjective to describe SOTW. It should show how disturbing and true the song is. "Striking" has different connotations, and can be misinterpreted. Also, the part about rivaling MJ's success, I kept the "critics" so they don't think we just making shit up. Those last three sentences are the bomb dot com! Yaaasss!! I did this while listening to "My Neck, My Back" on repeat so please excuse any stupid mistakes. x The good sis Reyna came up with that last part about Stevie Wonder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyna ♔ Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 "...a voice strong enough to enforce the message she set out to address." Idk if "message" or "issues" would be better to be used but it's a suggestion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 "...a voice strong enough to enforce the message she set out to address." Idk if "message" or "issues" would be better to be used but it's a suggestion The "diminutive in stature" line should have a contrasting subsequent clause. That's what I'm trying to get at, but I can't come up with anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
William Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 You need to italicize RN1814 if you're gonna italicize Control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 Perhaps the "powerful" adjective in the third paragraph should be changed to something else? Something that captures the essence of how big and attention grabbing the album was.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angela Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Wow, Draft 4 is so different from the first draft, but I love it. Hmm... let me try and figure out some suggestions about the diminutive part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 I have something in mind to close out the second paragraph more effectively. I just need to type it up. And I was thinking instead of this: In a country where cries for help have often fallen upon deaf ears, and the need for help has only been seen by the blind eye, Rhythm Nation 1814 is the voice for the forgotten. Maybe this: In a country where cries for help are only heard by the deaf, and the need for help has only been seen by the blind, Rhythm Nation 1814 is the voice for the forgotten. I feel like it appeals to the senses a bit more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eli's_rhythm Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Do you need any grammar/structuring help or are you just waiting to do it after you've polished your ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eli's_rhythm Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I have something in mind to close out the second paragraph more effectively. I just need to type it up. And I was thinking instead of this: In a country where cries for help have often fallen upon deaf ears, and the need for help has only been seen by the blind eye, Rhythm Nation 1814 is the voice for the forgotten. Maybe this: In a country where cries for help are only heard by the deaf, and the need for help has only been seen by the blind, Rhythm Nation 1814 is the voice for the forgotten. I feel like it appeals to the senses a bit more. I still don't like it because it implies that either deaf and blind people can hear and see or that deaf and blind people are the only ones with problems in our country. I don't think you have to make it so dramatic. It can just be, "Rhythm Nation 1814 has blossomed as a voice for the everyman in a country where cries for help can usually only be heard from the top." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 Do you need any grammar/structuring help or are you just waiting to do it after you've polished your ideas? Both. Kinda how Will did his edit a couple of posts up. I still don't like it because it implies that either deaf and blind people can hear and see or that deaf and blind people are the only ones with problems in our country. I don't think you have to make it so dramatic. It can just be, "Rhythm Nation 1814 has blossomed as a voice for the everyman in a country where cries for help can usually only be heard from the top." Well in that case I'll just keep it as it is. And I'll probably use that last line in there somewhere. I like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angela Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I still don't like it because it implies that either deaf and blind people can hear and see or that deaf and blind people are the only ones with problems in our country. I don't think you have to make it so dramatic. It can just be, "Rhythm Nation 1814 has blossomed as a voice for the everyman in a country where cries for help can usually only be heard from the top." In light of Occupy Wall Street, I have to say I like this sentence a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eli's_rhythm Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Both. Kinda how Will did his edit a couple of posts up. Well in that case I'll just keep it as it is. And I'll probably use that last line in there somewhere. I like it. K. I'll be back tomorrow then since I love that you're doing this. I'm glad! In light of Occupy Wall Street, I have to say I like this sentence a lot. Thanks Angie Can't say that's what I was going for, though, so that idea is yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 ....Short but poignant, the interludes, ranging from five to thirty seconds long, operate as segues between songs, tying them together and reinforcing the message of the album. Inclusively, Rhythm Nation 1814 reflects the social and political climate of American life. Even today, the issues presented in Jackson's landmark work continue to make headlines. [Maybe another sentence or two to close it out? ] Basically, here, I just want to close out the second paragraph with how the issues she talked about in the album are still very much so relevant today. That'll answer their question of how RN1814 reflects American life. It just needs better wording. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 K. I'll be back tomorrow then since I love that you're doing this. I'm glad! Your help would be greatly appreciated. I don't have class or have to work, so I'll be stopping by throughout the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bu. Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Austin I really want to make love to you for this!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bu. Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 ....Short but poignant, the interludes, ranging from five to thirty seconds long, operate as segues between songs, tying them together and reinforcing the message of the album. Inclusively, Rhythm Nation 1814 reflects the social and political climate of American life. Even today, the issues presented in Jackson's landmark work continue to make headlines. [Maybe another sentence or two to close it out? ] Basically, here, I just want to close out the second paragraph with how the issues she talked about in the album are still very much so relevant today. That'll answer their question of how RN1814 reflects American life. It just needs better wording. Maybe give examples of how the issues are still relevant? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eli's_rhythm Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 ....Short but poignant, the interludes, ranging from five to thirty seconds long, operate as segues between songs, tying them together and reinforcing the message of the album. Inclusively, Rhythm Nation 1814 reflects the social and political climate of American life. Even today, the issues presented in Jackson's landmark work continue to make headlines. [Maybe another sentence or two to close it out? ] Basically, here, I just want to close out the second paragraph with how the issues she talked about in the album are still very much so relevant today. That'll answer their question of how RN1814 reflects American life. It just needs better wording. I'm wondering why you chose the word "inclusively" there. What are you referring to with that term? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 Maybe give examples of how the issues are still relevant? It should bring the whole second paragraph to a close. It's like an analysis. I'm wondering why you chose the word "inclusively" there. What are you referring to with that term? Typing without thinking. Plus, I just like the word "inclusively". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idrag4mj Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Shouldn't we include ..the albums influence on alot of here peer's including her brother mike ..i am not sure but i could have sworn i read one of you say how That album started a trend in music and popularized a certain sound ..i am sure that many albums to follow used its a blue print..and its influence can be heard in todays' music scape... so i think if permit-able you should add the albums influence on Pop culture ..i don't see much if any reference to that at all in the draft Also what about the video's influence because that was another groundbreaking video that changed the landscape..or should we separate that for the video submission process ? With that said i really like draft 4 a lot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 The video should definitely be separate. I was gonna get to that next year because the film submissions deadline has already passed. And maybe we can do a submission for just RN the song itself. I think it's good enough to warrant its own submission. If you want to talk about the influence of the album, just type it up and we'll iron it out to perfection. In the meantime I'll ask if there's a word/length limit on the submissions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 Which one sounds better? "Jackson notes the nation's growth with progressive tracks including "Love Will Never Do (Without You)", which explores the advantages of racial harmony." "Jackson notes the nation's growth with progressive tracks including "Love Will Never Do (Without You)", which promotes tolerance and understanding through racial harmony." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idrag4mj Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 the first one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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