bu. Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 So this is a lil somethign I wrote a while back. I was feeling low and depressed as I usually do. It's not fonished but I'd really like some feedback if possible. TRUE feedback. If it's shit then tell me. I'm tired of people being like 'omg you're an amazing writer' etc when clearly I'm not Garden of Eden Where have you gone? Is it me you disappear from? Took you for granted Now I’m the only one To comfort myself Look to the shadow Of what’s to come Don’t want the darkness of dawn Leaped expectations Disarrayed miscalculations Precipitation of forged discomfort I don’t want to stand Just to fall back down again Unless I fall straight into Gods hands I don’t want to wake up Just to die ten times again Unless I’m reborn an angel I look in the mirror I see blankness before me I shout to the heavens Ask for some guidance I pray for forgiveness I look to my fallen honour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I think its great, you have good descriptive writing, and the poem shows a nice glimpse into your state of mind. My only criticism is that the verses don't seem to have any similarity in structure between them......now im not a poet at all, and I only really read poetry in school, and I know poetry is about freedom of expression.......so.....yeah, i dont knwo what im saying LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bu. Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 I think its great, you have good descriptive writing, and the poem shows a nice glimpse into your state of mind. My only criticism is that the verses don't seem to have any similarity in structure between them......now im not a poet at all, and I only really read poetry in school, and I know poetry is about freedom of expression.......so.....yeah, i dont knwo what im saying LOL Awww thanks ! Read my other stuff and you'll think I was an emo Thats the thing when I write. I don't conform to structures or anything. I just write to how I want it to sound in my head . So people read it and are like 'I don't get it' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Awww thanks ! Read my other stuff and you'll think I was an emo Thats the thing when I write. I don't conform to structures or anything. I just write to how I want it to sound in my head . So people read it and are like 'I don't get it' Emo lol I wonder if you would still be motivated to write if you were in love or something, or if you are one of those people who is driven by misery LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bu. Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Emo lol I wonder if you would still be motivated to write if you were in love or something, or if you are one of those people who is driven by misery LOL I think I'm driven by misery . It's like Mercedes said in Glee, "Look at our idols: Whitney (Mercedes), Barbara (Rachel), Patti LuPone (Kurt). They all became stars while they were single. They took all the pain and loneliness, and they put it into their music. People could relate to it; everybody feels lonely. Harnessing this pain is why they became legends". She was preaching even though I don't know Barbara or Patti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henrietta. Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bu. Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Awwwwwwwww Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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