Dee Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML:w00t: Today, I thought it would be funny to hide behind the ice machine at work and jump out randomly and scare people. This resulted in my first victim whacking me in the head with a skateboard. FML:w00t: Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rock & Roll Hall of Game Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 LMFAO @ THE LAST ONE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzebabe Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML :lmao: :lmao: Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cnd Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ray. Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jodienda76 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML :lmao: :lmao: Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s.omner Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 LMAO! I love FML! They have an app for iPhone as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angela Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I've been visiting that website for almost a year now. It's hilarious. I love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Baby Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I've been visiting that website for almost a year now. It's hilarious. I love it. Me too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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