Jump to content

Scriptures From The Holy Book Of Janhova


Mr. Wonder

Recommended Posts

Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today because atrocity has fallen upon us.

Just like Janhova was crucified at the Battle of Nipplegate we are being crucified today. Our pastor and his sidekick are no longer with us for the week. They have been exiled to the pits of lions. The beast has managed to victimize and sodomise our guides in order to stray us from the path of Janhovas, the very path that was laid out in the book of Control onwards.

As the Holy Spirit leads according to Her Sung Word we need to remind ourselves of the Holiest of Her commandments:

“Let's work together

To improve our way of life

Join voices in protest

To social injustice”

Today injustice has fallen on us. We are being persecuted. We are being bashed upon. It should not be like this. For the Janssiah has returned and is renewing our souls with her Up Close & Personal Worldwide Sermons. This is not a time to be separate. We need to join hands. If you have courage then come forth with me. Let me lead you into prayer and let’s pray for our brothers and sisters that were brave to face up to the beast. Lend me your hand to help your brothers Austin and Henry and your sister Pie do their best. Things are getting worse. We have to make them better. It’s time to give a damn. Let’s work together.

First we need to repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Damitalla Josus for the forgiveness of your sins. And you WILL receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. This is a test. We are all sinners. But remember with no struggle is no progress.

I urge you to come forth with me and confess your sins. Be rid of the bad. Get rid of that beast within. Be free! Janhova forgives us!!! She forgives you! She understands!

Now. I know you all would like our friends here today. I pray that they find their way back here soon. I’m not sure what Pastor Austin had planned but I think he would want us to stay true to Janhova’s Sermons.

For todays emergency broadcast I have borught you all rosary beads. Sister lexus will hand this out once I am done.

rosary-beads.jpg

It is said that chanting the same thing over and over can cleanse the soul and make things happen. Therefore I recommend the following be read using the rosary beads.

1. I'm in Control. Never gonna stop. (32 times)

2. Prejudice No! Ignorance No! Bigotry No! Illiteracy No! (32 times)

3. Livin on the edge not afraid to die. Better watch your step or you're gonna die (32 times)

4. Cuz everybody needs to feel real special (60 times)

Reach out to Janhova. Let your voice be heard. let her be rpoud of our prayers and our love and dedication! Only then will justice be served and will our friends be with us again. The Church Choir is here with a very poignant song that depicts our suffering today.

In the spirit of togetherness and unity I propose that we have service as normal on Friday at 3pm EST. We will participate in various Janhova activities so come collect and wear nice church hats please. If ThatOtherFan can come wearing his Gucci Straight Jacket then y’all can afford to be more uptown too -_-.

Words can not describe my much this has slain my soul. -_-

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today because atrocity has fallen upon us.

Just like Janhova was crucified at the Battle of Nipplegate we are being crucified today. Our pastor and his sidekick are no longer with us for the week. They have been exiled to the pits of lions. The beast has managed to victimize and sodomise our guides in order to stray us from the path of Janhovas, the very path that was laid out in the book of Control onwards.

As the Holy Spirit leads according to Her Sung Word we need to remind ourselves of the Holiest of Her commandments:

“Let's work together

To improve our way of life

Join voices in protest

To social injustice”

Today injustice has fallen on us. We are being persecuted. We are being bashed upon. It should not be like this. For the Janssiah has returned and is renewing our souls with her Up Close & Personal Worldwide Sermons. This is not a time to be separate. We need to join hands. If you have courage then come forth with me. Let me lead you into prayer and let’s pray for our brothers and sisters that were brave to face up to the beast. Lend me your hand to help your brothers Austin and Henry and your sister Pie do their best. Things are getting worse. We have to make them better. It’s time to give a damn. Let’s work together.

First we need to repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Damitalla Josus for the forgiveness of your sins. And you WILL receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. This is a test. We are all sinners. But remember with no struggle is no progress.

I urge you to come forth with me and confess your sins. Be rid of the bad. Get rid of that beast within. Be free! Janhova forgives us!!! She forgives you! She understands!

Now. I know you all would like our friends here today. I pray that they find their way back here soon. I’m not sure what Pastor Austin had planned but I think he would want us to stay true to Janhova’s Sermons.

For todays emergency broadcast I have borught you all rosary beads. Sister lexus will hand this out once I am done.

rosary-beads.jpg

It is said that chanting the same thing over and over can cleanse the soul and make things happen. Therefore I recommend the following be read using the rosary beads.

1. I'm in Control. Never gonna stop. (32 times)

2. Prejudice No! Ignorance No! Bigotry No! Illiteracy No! (32 times)

3. Livin on the edge not afraid to die. Better watch your step or you're gonna die (32 times)

4. Cuz everybody needs to feel real special (60 times)

Reach out to Janhova. Let your voice be heard. let her be rpoud of our prayers and our love and dedication! Only then will justice be served and will our friends be with us again. The Church Choir is here with a very poignant song that depicts our suffering today.

In the spirit of togetherness and unity I propose that we have service as normal on Friday at 3pm EST. We will participate in various Janhova activities so come collect and wear nice church hats please. If ThatOtherFan can come wearing his Gucci Straight Jacket then y’all can afford to be more uptown too -_-.

I almost gave you a negative for that, but I figured you were talking about Pie -_-

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: @ that video. I love it :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...