Xtraordinary Xternal Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 One of my friends is headed down a path... that bothers me... I'm so torn... I want to help him and I love him but... I might have to distance myself for awhile from him. Hes in his mid 30s has alot of money good career but the type of men he picks to date is just bad... He dates 21 & 22 year old bottoms that are just so caught up in the gay life... Something bad happen to him over the weekend and yesterday he asked me my honest opinion of his choices... My boyfriend got up and walked away because I didn't hold back only because I love him... I told him to stop dating FEM bottoms because hes really a bottom and to date someone older and on his level dating... far as goals and etc... I feel like he should take a break from dating and find himself again... I'm extremely disappointed in him... Because now I'm indirectly caught up in his drama. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utopia Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Yes always and i expect them to be with me as well Your friend asked your opinion so i think you did the best thing by keeping it real Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil. Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 If he asked for your opinion, and he doesn't heed it, all you can do is be there when or if he stumbles...."masculine" or "feminine" bottoms aside, anyone is capable to fuck somebody over. You'll never get to know who you are and what you want until you step away from the distractions and find out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xtraordinary Xternal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 Yes always and i expect them to be with me as well Your friend asked your opinion so i think you did the best thing by keeping it real I know... but I still feel strange about it because I really love my friends especially him... He like a big brother to me and to see him act like this just bothers me... When its people I really care about I try to watch my mouth because I know how aggressive I can get when I feel strongly about something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jodienda76 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I've cut off so many friends who according to them, expect me to be honest, and when I am, they get pissy, so fuck them. I will ALWAYS be honest with my friends and tell them what I think. I don't push any issue, I just tell them what I would do and how I feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utopia Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I know... but I still feel strange about it because I really love my friends especially him... He like a big brother to me and to see him act like this just bothers me... When its people I really care about I try to watch my mouth because I know how aggressive I can get when I feel strongly about something. It's normal , by being honest you know that you've said things that are hard to swallow but you really can't blame yourself or feel bad about it because you did it to help him If he truly is your friend than he can only thank you for being real with him and not sugar coat it. He might not agree with what you said but he knew that you were not holding back so that's probably why he asked you and not someone else Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xtraordinary Xternal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 If he asked for your opinion, and he doesn't heed it, all you can do is be there when or if he stumbles...."masculine" or "feminine" bottoms aside, anyone is capable to fuck somebody over. You'll never get to know who you are and what you want until you step away from the distractions and find out. His issue is he picks whoever gives him attention... Hes not ugly and very well off but still feels the need to lower himself... He picks dudes that act like complete girls and years ago he would never entertain those types but now its like he just searching for anything to fill a void... If I knew he liked fem young guys I would be like go for it but he complains about it and get screwed over... Its not even his thing he only do it cuz he feels lonely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jodienda76 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 One of my friends is headed down a path... that bothers me... I'm so torn... I want to help him and I love him but... I might have to distance myself for awhile from him. Hes in his mid 30s has alot of money good career but the type of men he picks to date is just bad... He dates 21 & 22 year old bottoms that are just so caught up in the gay life... Something bad happen to him over the weekend and yesterday he asked me my honest opinion of his choices... My boyfriend got up and walked away because I didn't hold back only because I love him... I told him to stop dating FEM bottoms because hes really a bottom and to date someone older and on his level dating... far as goals and etc... I feel like he should take a break from dating and find himself again... I'm extremely disappointed in him... Because now I'm indirectly caught up in his drama. No you're not caught up in any drama. You showed him that you cared and let him know from the stand point of someone outside looking in at his situation. Like I previously stated...It's ultimately HIS choise if he want's to take your advice and straighten up. But if he choses to just please pussy boys that use him. Then that's on him. Not on you. You did the right thing and he should be greatful that he has friends like you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzebabe Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I always am, and i've lost "friends" because of it...oh well, they asked and I told Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utopia Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I've cut off so many friends who according to them, expect me to be honest, and when I am, they get pissy, so fuck them. I will ALWAYS be honest with my friends and tell them what I think. I don't push any issue, I just tell them what I would do and how I feel. +1 Suddenly you are a bitch for telling them what they were expecting too hear from you. If you can't handle my opinion don't ask for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jodienda76 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I always am, and i've lost "friends" because of it...oh well, they asked and I told EXACTLY!!! It's their loss if they want to be surrounded by YES people who will kiss their asses when they need something, then turn their backs when they need help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I always try to be honest, but with some people - like one of my sisters, I hold back. People like that say they want honesty but in reality they want you to cosign their behaviour, or boost their self esteem. When you tell them the truth they try and go on for about ten hours about why you are wrong and blah blah blah. Its just too much effort. So with people that really want the truth I will give it to them, but I do try to do it with love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 +1 Suddenly you are a bitch for telling them what they were expecting too hear from you. If you can't handle my opinion don't ask for it. Yeah but when someone is honest with you in a good way whore-hey you don't wanna hear it! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utopia Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 No you're not caught up in any drama. You showed him that you cared and let him know from the stand point of someone outside looking in at his situation. Like I previously stated...It's ultimately HIS choise if he want's to take your advice and straighten up. But if he choses to just please pussy boys that use him. Then that's on him. Not on you. You did the right thing and he should be greatful that he has friends like you. oh Jogi agree 100% with this. xternal , you did everything that you could do to help him out , the ball is on his court now and it's not your job to babysit him and make decisions for him. He needs to wake up and see it through his eyes that what he is doing is only going to destroy him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jodienda76 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I always try to be honest, but with some people - like one of my sisters, I hold back. People like that say they want honesty but in reality they want you to cosign their behaviour, or boost their self esteem. When you tell them the truth they try and go on for about ten hours about why you are wrong and blah blah blah. Its just too much effort. So with people that really want the truth I will give it to them, but I do try to do it with love. I drop the convo and let them know to either shut the fuck up and listen if they want to hear the truth, or shut the fuck up and drop the whole conversation and talk about something else because I lose my patience easily with people like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utopia Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Yeah but when someone is honest with you in a good way whore-hey you don't wanna hear it! lol well i do But why wouldn't someone want to hear it though? you should expect whatever when you ask someone their opinion . It's not your fault if i ask you something and don't like the answer oh wait , i misread it But that's another issue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xtraordinary Xternal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 oh Jogi agree 100% with this. xternal , you did everything that you could do to help him out , the ball is on his court now and it's not your job to babysit him and make decisions for him. He needs to wake up and see it through his eyes that what he is doing is only going to destroy him My name was brought up by his ex and I don't like that shit at all... When I confronted his ex face to face he didn't have shit to say... but oh it was a misunderstanding... I don't involve myself in drama in real life because I know my temper. His new boyfriend screams and snaps on him like a woman I heard him on the phone one day and was just in shock out how queeny he gets. Of course he doesn't do that shit in front of us... because I told him the first day I met him don't hurt my friend or disrespect him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xtraordinary Xternal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 I drop the convo and let them know to either shut the fuck up and listen if they want to hear the truth, or shut the fuck up and drop the whole conversation and talk about something else because I lose my patience easily with people like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xtraordinary Xternal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 I always try to be honest, but with some people - like one of my sisters, I hold back. People like that say they want honesty but in reality they want you to cosign their behaviour, or boost their self esteem. When you tell them the truth they try and go on for about ten hours about why you are wrong and blah blah blah. Its just too much effort. So with people that really want the truth I will give it to them, but I do try to do it with love. sigh.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I drop the convo and let them know to either shut the fuck up and listen if they want to hear the truth, or shut the fuck up and drop the whole conversation and talk about something else because I lose my patience easily with people like that. I need to take a leaf out of your book and get tough! I suppose with a certain person I am not doing them any favours by gently trying to steer them in the obviously right direction. She is the type of person that always asks for my help and advice but is in the same situation for like 5 yrs, now I am at the point where im thinking "bitch if you REALLY wanted your situation to change you would have listened to me and the fifty-leven other people and actually done something" People like that prob really don't want honesty or help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jodienda76 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 My name was brought up by his ex and I don't like that shit at all... When I confronted his ex face to face he didn't have shit to say... but oh it was a misunderstanding... I don't involve myself in drama in real life because I know my temper. His new boyfriend screams and snaps on him like a woman I heard him on the phone one day and was just in shock out how queeny he gets. Of course he doesn't do that shit in front of us... because I told him the first day I met him don't hurt my friend or disrespect him. Yeah...But that's not your place. Your friend needs to man up and take charge. You should always advise him not to let no little puto degrade, abuse, belittle or act condescending towards him. If he ALLOWS it to happen...Then it really dosen't make a difference if he does it in front of you or not. It neither fixes nor stop the problem for your friend. He's a big boy. You tell him what a fool he looks like in front of you, and what a fool he's being behind closed doors and tell him that NOBODY has a right nor is worth wasting your life on. Especially someone who dosen't appreciate him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utopia Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 My name was brought up by his ex and I don't like that shit at all... When I confronted his ex face to face he didn't have shit to say... but oh it was a misunderstanding... I don't involve myself in drama in real life because I know my temper. His new boyfriend screams and snaps on him like a woman I heard him on the phone one day and was just in shock out how queeny he gets. Of course he doesn't do that shit in front of us... because I told him the first day I met him don't hurt my friend or disrespect him. oh wow See , that's the ex trying to move the attention away from himself Your friend knows what you feel about that right? so there is not much you can do besides be there for him and not in a "i told you so" type of way. You did what you were supposed to do which is being honest now it's up to him. Yeah it sucks to see someone you like going down that road but what can you do?!You can't fight his battles,all you can do is show him the way to go , it's up to him to walk through it with his own legs i think i got lost somewhere between what Jodi said and what you said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xtraordinary Xternal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 Yeah...But that's not your place. Your friend needs to man up and take charge. You should always advise him not to let no little puto degrade, abuse, belittle or act condescending towards him. If he ALLOWS it to happen...Then it really dosen't make a difference if he does it in front of you or not. It neither fixes nor stop the problem for your friend. He's a big boy. You tell him what a fool he looks like in front of you, and what a fool he's being behind closed doors and tell him that NOBODY has a right nor is worth wasting your life on. Especially someone who dosen't appreciate him. That part not my place... I told him what the deal was... cause I was like look I don't know you but dont hurt him he already been thru alot and hes a great person. He starting to understand it.... my friend but the thing is hes 35 and dude is 22 I feel like its just not going to work because he too immature with alot of things... but its his choice... I'm just taking a break from him for awhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xtraordinary Xternal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 oh wow See , that's the ex trying to move the attention away from himself Your friend knows what you feel about that right? so there is not much you can do besides be there for him and not in a "i told you so" type of way. You did what you were supposed to do which is being honest now it's up to him. Yeah it sucks to see someone you like going down that road but what can you do?!You can't fight his battles,all you can do is show him the way to go , it's up to him to walk through it with his own legs i think i got lost somewhere between what Jodi said and what you said His ex dumped him because he had health issues and couldn't deal with it... my friend took him on trips got him a good job and the minute he needed him the dude bailed then tried to turn it around as if it was my friends fault... then he put my name in it for no reason... I was like thats truly some bitch shit I did nothing to him honestly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jodienda76 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 That part not my place... I told him what the deal was... cause I was like look I don't know you but dont hurt him he already been thru alot and hes a great person. He starting to understand it.... my friend but the thing is hes 35 and dude is 22 I feel like its just not going to work because he too immature with alot of things... but its his choice... I'm just taking a break from him for awhile. And that's all you can do. This is so sad. People settle for the bullcrap for the sake of not being alone. There is a spanish saying that goes. "Es mejor estar solo, que mal acompanado"....It pretty much means, it's better to be alone than in bad company. But some people don't get it. Loneliness isn't for them. My husband and I take breaks from each other because we are both loners and need privacy. Even from each other. My friends think we are weird but it works for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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