Reyna ♔ Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Okay, well I've been dating this girl for a few months now. Though I've known her for a little over a year. We started out as friends but the friendship was rocky yet we still managed to stick it out and 8 months in we started dating. In all honesty, before we started dating, she put me through hell. Secrets I told her she told a friend of hers that I hate, she always brings up the dark painful moments of my past and is the type to always complain. There have been multiple times where I really wanted to end even the friendship. Part of my reason for still being around is that I have a deep connection with some of her family. Specifically her 2 little girl cousins. They're like my baby sisters, though the youngest calls me "mommy" because she isn't always comfortable around her real mom. Anywho, in less than a month, she and I broke up but stayed friends. She put on her best attitude, I mean Academy Award worthy, and ended up winning me back somehow. So now we're dating again and it's been 3 months, but she's back to her old self. We have entertainment interests in common, but hardly much as far as personality. Except for stubbornness. I really want to end this, but I don't wanna wreck the friendship or what I have with the girls. She thinks everything is cool, but I'm at my wit's end with her. The girls, Mattie and Cheyenne, really look up to me. I know I'm wrong for a major reason being that I mostly am with her for the girls, but I really love these girls. Just like they were really my family. I just don't know what to do. I'm gonna be gone for a few hours tonight. 'til about maybe 7-9 U.S. Eastern time. But if any of you can help, it'd be greatly appreciated. Thank you to any of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatOtherFan Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Okay, well I've been dating this girl for a few months now. Though I've known her for a little over a year. We started out as friends but the friendship was rocky yet we still managed to stick it out and 8 months in we started dating. In all honesty, before we started dating, she put me through hell. Secrets I told her she told a friend of hers that I hate, she always brings up the dark painful moments of my past and is the type to always complain. There have been multiple times where I really wanted to end even the friendship. Part of my reason for still being around is that I have a deep connection with some of her family. Specifically her 2 little girl cousins. They're like my baby sisters, though the youngest calls me "mommy" because she isn't always comfortable around her real mom. Anywho, in less than a month, she and I broke up but stayed friends. She put on her best attitude, I mean Academy Award worthy, and ended up winning me back somehow. So now we're dating again and it's been 3 months, but she's back to her old self. We have entertainment interests in common, but hardly much as far as personality. Except for stubbornness. I really want to end this, but I don't wanna wreck the friendship or what I have with the girls. She thinks everything is cool, but I'm at my wit's end with her. The girls, Mattie and Cheyenne, really look up to me. I know I'm wrong for a major reason being that I mostly am with her for the girls, but I really love these girls. Just like they were really my family. I just don't know what to do. I'm gonna be gone for a few hours tonight. 'til about maybe 7-9 U.S. Eastern time. But if any of you can help, it'd be greatly appreciated. Thank you to any of you. Being in an unhappy relationship is not worth it to keep the bond with the girls. It's like wanting a divorce, but staying for the sake of the kids. IMO, it's not really beneficial because the kids more than likely know something is wrong and you're ultimately very unhappy. Life if too short to continue a relationship you aren't happy in. If you are meant to be in the girls life, it will happen irregardless of the fact that you aren't with their cousin anymore. If it's meant to be it will be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bailey Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Okay, well I've been dating this girl for a few months now. Though I've known her for a little over a year. We started out as friends but the friendship was rocky yet we still managed to stick it out and 8 months in we started dating. In all honesty, before we started dating, she put me through hell. Secrets I told her she told a friend of hers that I hate, she always brings up the dark painful moments of my past and is the type to always complain. There have been multiple times where I really wanted to end even the friendship. Part of my reason for still being around is that I have a deep connection with some of her family. Specifically her 2 little girl cousins. They're like my baby sisters, though the youngest calls me "mommy" because she isn't always comfortable around her real mom. Anywho, in less than a month, she and I broke up but stayed friends. She put on her best attitude, I mean Academy Award worthy, and ended up winning me back somehow. So now we're dating again and it's been 3 months, but she's back to her old self. We have entertainment interests in common, but hardly much as far as personality. Except for stubbornness. I really want to end this, but I don't wanna wreck the friendship or what I have with the girls. She thinks everything is cool, but I'm at my wit's end with her. The girls, Mattie and Cheyenne, really look up to me. I know I'm wrong for a major reason being that I mostly am with her for the girls, but I really love these girls. Just like they were really my family. I just don't know what to do. I'm gonna be gone for a few hours tonight. 'til about maybe 7-9 U.S. Eastern time. But if any of you can help, it'd be greatly appreciated. Thank you to any of you. lots of folks in this sorta thing is baby mama drama, you want to be a part of their lives but not so much you have to commit to her, well, make some boundaries, worst case is she may not respect it enough to let you execute being there for the girls, so in that case, it's not your choice nor your ability to change, hell I got cousins with all different fathers, and it's a fucking mess, the one dad's family wanted to take the baby from her, so chile this shit goes on and on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--- Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 She needs to go Take Oprah/Maya Angelou's advice.... When a person shows themselves, believe them the first time round meaning, this is who she is. Pay attention to all the red flags. God will give u hints and signs....and more will come... and if u really don't pay attention, u'll get big signs and they'll knock u out (to teach u a lesson!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bailey Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 She needs to go Take Oprah/Maya Angelou's advice.... When a person shows themselves, believe them the first time round meaning, this is who she is. Pay attention to all the red flags. God will give u hints and signs....and more will come... and if u really don't pay attention, u'll get big signs and they'll knock u out (to teach u a lesson!) you get a +1 for that, I had to learn that the hard way, and what's worst even when they do show you who they are, and you refuse to accept it, in the end you see how much you couldn't do a fucking thing to change it either as much as you tried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--- Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 you get a +1 for that, I had to learn that the hard way, and what's worst even when they do show you who they are, and you refuse to accept it, in the end you see how much you couldn't do a fucking thing to change it either as much as you tried. Yes u right That's another thing u gotta learn... u cant control them (or the situation)...or change them and yes, some ppl stay in denial or refuse to accept or see what is actually happening, and continue on anyway (like they gonna change etc) Oprah said something to the effect of... "there'll be lil signs and waves here and there.... then, if ur not paying attention, they'll get bigger....and then BAM, ull get knocked out" *wish i had the video link* And if u don't believe it, break up with her and dont talk to her for 3 or 4 months... then go c how she is.. she'll still b the same person (unless there is a major shift in her) In that time away from her, u will have grown and changed as a person.... and b better off without her and her draining u out And u'll say to urself "wat was i thinking...who was i...putting up with this mess" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyna ♔ Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 You guys are seriously the best. I honestly can't thank you enough. I'm gonna talk with her tonight and build to the break up. I'm not good with dealing with emotions, though. Like if she starts to cry or even looks like it, I get really uncomfortable. I HATE seeing women cry. Even when some put themselves in the position. I just hope I can break this down as easily as I can. She may be a little shocked because I've been dodging the negativity pretty well. But gotta do whhat's necessary, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--- Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 U being too nice, boo U too nice to her Is she this nice to u? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bailey Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Yes u right That's another thing u gotta learn... u cant control them (or the situation)...or change them and yes, some ppl stay in denial or refuse to accept or see what is actually happening, and continue on anyway (like they gonna change etc) Oprah said something to the effect of... "there'll be lil signs and waves here and there.... then, if ur not paying attention, they'll get bigger....and then BAM, ull get knocked out" *wish i had the video link* And if u don't believe it, break up with her and dont talk to her for 3 or 4 months... then go c how she is.. she'll still b the same people (unless there is a major shift in her) In that time away from her, u will have grown and changed as a person.... and b better off without her and her draining u out And u'll say to urself "wat was i thinking...who was i...putting up with this mess" we on the same wavelength for a min, what I learned from Oprah's last show baby, is that we all just want to be loved, I cried when that lady said "Oprah it wasn't the job, I just wanted you to like me" .......unfortunately I am that way, I just seek approval so much I just wanna know, do you like me? do you hear me? do you understand me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyna ♔ Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 U being too nice, boo U too nice to her Is she this nice to u? She has her moments where she attempts to be. Like when she feels everything is going well, I play the doormat. But when I told her about 3 weeks ago that she was on the thinest ice, she's been trying to behave. Though it isn't working all too well, and it's basicaly at the point where some of even the smallest things annoy me. Like she has a habit of teasing me. I can deal with it moderately when I know it's a joke, but she starts going into the "No Fly" zone way too often. Plus, and this may be bad, but she plays a few trump cards whenever I get tense. Like her or her mother will bring up after I'm annoyed, and tell her so, that she's still coping with the death of her aunt that happened early 2010. Before I came along. Then I have a feeling of guilt because then I remember my own aunt and just... I'm a very sensitive young woman. really. My heart tends to control me and they know that. I don't wanna say manipulation but it feels like it often times. Plus something interesting, she gave an ultimatum-style love statement like "The only way my opinion of you would ever change is if you left me completely". Harmless at first, but if you think about it, and with all the times I've been there for her, it isn't right. Plus she refers to ALL of her exes as being jerks or asses and I have a feeling I may be referred to the same way if I go. I mean the one constant in each of those relatonships is her. So... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bailey Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 She has her moments where she attempts to be. Like when she feels everything is going well, I play the doormat. But when I told her about 3 weeks ago that she was on the thinest ice, she's been trying to behave. Though it isn't working all too well, and it's basicaly at the point where some of even the smallest things annoy me. Like she has a habit of teasing me. I can deal with it moderately when I know it's a joke, but she starts going into the "No Fly" zone way too often. Plus, and this may be bad, but she plays a few trump cards whenever I get tense. Like her or her mother will bring up after I'm annoyed, and tell her so, that she's still coping with the death of her aunt that happened early 2010. Before I came along. Then I have a feeling of guilt because then I remember my own aunt and just... I'm a very sensitive young woman. really. My heart tends to control me and they know that. I don't wanna say manipulation but it feels like it often times. Plus something interesting, she gave an ultimatum-style love statement like "The only way my opinion of you would ever change is if you left me completely". Harmless at first, but if you think about it, and with all the times I've been there for her, it isn't right. Plus she refers to ALL of her exes as being jerks or asses and I have a feeling I may be referred to the same way if I go. I mean the one constant in each of those relatonships is her. So... I stopped at "doormat" you cannot be that for anyone, on the real, like 100, that is bad for both of you, it sends a bad message to the other and you never learn self respect, I loved a guy , really loved him and I would have stayed had he gave me something to stay for but I became his doormat, in the end I hated him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--- Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 we on the same wavelength for a min, what I learned from Oprah's last show baby, is that we all just want to be loved, I cried when that lady said "Oprah it wasn't the job, I just wanted you to like me" .......unfortunately I am that way, I just seek approval so much I just wanna know, do you like me? do you hear me? do you understand me? Ilyana!! That bitch is so crazy But yes, I get it I think we all seek some validation to some extent...we're social creatures, and want to be loved/accepted But that desire can also lead u on the wrong path and to destruction.. Fergie, Duchess of York, has been going through something like that...another Oprah thing u can check out. lol the need for validation usually comes from a lack of love (probably during childhood)...the minute u stop seeking validation, u'll be better..free-er She has her moments where she attempts to be. Like when she feels everything is going well, I play the doormat. But when I told her about 3 weeks ago that she was on the thinest ice, she's been trying to behave. Though it isn't working all too well, and it's basicaly at the point where some of even the smallest things annoy me. Like she has a habit of teasing me. I can deal with it moderately when I know it's a joke, but she starts going into the "No Fly" zone way too often. Plus, and this may be bad, but she plays a few trump cards whenever I get tense. Like her or her mother will bring up after I'm annoyed, and tell her so, that she's still coping with the death of her aunt that happened early 2010. Before I came along. Then I have a feeling of guilt because then I remember my own aunt and just... I'm a very sensitive young woman. really. My heart tends to control me and they know that. I don't wanna say manipulation but it feels like it often times. Plus something interesting, she gave an ultimatum-style love statement like "The only way my opinion of you would ever change is if you left me completely". Harmless at first, but if you think about it, and with all the times I've been there for her, it isn't right. Plus she refers to ALL of her exes as being jerks or asses and I have a feeling I may be referred to the same way if I go. I mean the one constant in each of those relatonships is her. So... oh this bitch needs to go she's abusive and emotionally manipulative everything's a joke, right? and it's because she's still grieving aunt.....plz, wateva they are emotionally manipulating u Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bailey Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 U being too nice, boo U too nice to her Is she this nice to u? "nice" interesting choice of wording....I would say respectful, because been there......don't want to go back, love yourself, I read a book called "Women Who Love Too Much" despite it applying to women it applied to me, and I cried hard reading it, wanting what I never got approval, love, concern about my welfare, I spent my 20's so alone in the dark, sex here and there, but no connections, I hate that I want someone that is there and down for me and loves me, and I figured this much out, that person has to be me first Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bailey Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Ilyana!! That bitch is so crazy But yes, I get it I think we all seek some validation to some extent...we're social creatures, and want to be loved/accepted But that desire can also lead u on the wrong path and to destruction.. Fergie, Duchess of York, has been going through something like that...another Oprah thing u can check out. lol the need for validation usually comes from a lack of love (probably during childhood)...the minute u stop seeking validation, u'll be better..free-er oh this bitch needs to goshe's abusive and emotionally manipulativeeverything's a joke, right? and it's because she's still grieving aunt.....plz, watevathey are emotionally manipulating u i just read what you put in red, BUT IT'S ALL SO FUCKING TRUE AND NO IM NOT CRYING TONIGHT FUCK THAT I JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED......ALWAYS....DO YOU LOVE ME? DO I MATTER? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dimpy Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 In regards to the girls..."Do what's good for you, or you're not good for anybody." Gotta take care of you boo boo. It's not selfish, it's necessity and survival. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bailey Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 HONEY IT'S ALL CHILDHOOD......fucked up but in Tyler Perry's last play "Family" he said it, a woman that didnt have the love of her father will come at you with a love you have never seen, that's me, I would have done anything for Brian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bailey Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 In regards to the girls..."Do what's good for you, or you're not good for anybody." Gotta take care of you boo boo. It's not selfish, it's necessity and survival. and you get a +1 for knowing the truth....the muthafucking truth.....when I listen to Janet's albums and hear her say things like "it all comes back to you" I get it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
art Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 It's not worth. Leave her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyna ♔ Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 oh this bitch needs to goshe's abusive and emotionally manipulativeeverything's a joke, right? and it's because she's still grieving aunt.....plz, watevathey are emotionally manipulating u Something to add. Whenever we're on the phone, she always puts the girls on the phone and I just melt. Especially with the baby. I feel like a married woman here and I'm only 17. I remember early this year, when I stopped talking to her for about a week. She kept talking about how she missed me and all that and I went back. Then when I went over to her house,Cheyenne, the baby, ran straight into my arms with tears and saying she thought I had forgotten her. I love this baby and Mattie with all my heart, but I just can't deal with Mackenzie (the girlfriend) anymore. I feel needed with the girls but I can't be with them without her. Her mom, dad, and a few of her friends have said so when I talked with them. Plus, Cheyenne is only 5 and so she's at the age where if someone isn;t around for longer than a few years, she'll more than likely forget them. I don't want that to happen with her and I, but I have little choice. Damn, where the hell is my alimony and gold ring to pawn if 'm having to deal with all thus? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bailey Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 here's my secret weapon, at some point I grew enough to start thinking what I felt about others, and not the other way around, and once I did I realized, sure Im seeking validation with all my peace making, and trying to "get along" BUT when I started sizing folks up I was like hold da fuck up he aint shit, she aint shit , that whole bitch family aint shit what da fuck you worried bout nigga have several seats QUICKLY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bailey Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 It's not worth. Leave her. girl you are not stupid......Im glad we made peace....do you...you have a fierce spirit and that shit is gonna make mofos stay away that can't hang and others sooooo attracted to you they might wanna be you +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyna ♔ Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 Maybe it is because of my past. I've only been close to my grandparents and one aunt and they all passed before I hit 13, so I've really been on my own. There's one other aunt that I get along with very well, but she's over 1,000 miles away. My parents only want to live their dream lives through me, and at the same time, completely strip me of who I am. My connection with the girls is that I feel needed. Responsible. No I feel/know I'm complaining. I'll stop and just listen now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bailey Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 life is short I spent the last year in shut down, no sex, or very little, no seeking love, just go back to what I know of myself to be the best, took my ass to school and aced my classes, but no social life and it's summer so beautiful, I have a nice Jeep and can do so much more but I will pass out soon and not even go out I have no been to a bar in months, I even had a fine ass brutha hit me up on facebook called him but no word, doesn't matter what does is KEEP THAT SHIT MOVING DON'T LET ANYONE KEEP YOU FROM WHAT YOU HERE FOR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--- Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Something to add. Whenever we're on the phone, she always puts the girls on the phone and I just melt. Especially with the baby. I feel like a married woman here and I'm only 17. I remember early this year, when I stopped talking to her for about a week. She kept talking about how she missed me and all that and I went back. Then when I went over to her house,Cheyenne, the baby, ran straight into my arms with tears and saying she thought I had forgotten her. I love this baby and Mattie with all my heart, but I just can't deal with Mackenzie (the girlfriend) anymore. I feel needed with the girls but I can't be with them without her. Her mom, dad, and a few of her friends have said so when I talked with them. Plus, Cheyenne is only 5 and so she's at the age where if someone isn;t around for longer than a few years, she'll more than likely forget them. I don't want that to happen with her and I, but I have little choice. Damn, where the hell is my alimony and gold ring to pawn if 'm having to deal with all thus? Babe, its all part of their games they know what gets to u its manipulative, and theyre taking advantage of ur weakness and vulnerabilities once u get into their minds, ull see whats going on if u can put urself in 3rd person (like an outsider looking in), ull see the real picture But u cant have ur cake and eat it too...ur staying because u want that emotional attachment to the babies...u cant do that baby and it'll just become a hot mess a lot of this will reflect u and ur issues too..people need self love/self respect (like others have mentioned).. and uve already touched on ur childhood/family issues Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bailey Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Maybe it is because of my past. I've only been close to my grandparents and one aunt and they all passed before I hit 13, so I've really been on my own. There's one other aunt that I get along with very well, but she's over 1,000 miles away. My parents only want to live their dream lives through me, and at the same time, completely strip me of who I am. My connection with the girls is that I feel needed. Responsible. No I feel/know I'm complaining. I'll stop and just listen now. do what makes you feel happy.....simple advice so few take...I should be having my ass at the fucking club and getting whatver I want but Im gonna be in bed before 11pm on a Saturday in a beautiful summer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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