Reyna ♔ Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I made a few edits. The part about the international fans Paul pretty much summed up, I put it in the last paragraph. But reading it, it'll probably have to be expanded. Cool. Maybe a bit just to solidify it. Love paragraph 2 and how you added in the part on the girls. It meshes wonderfully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Cool. Maybe a bit just to solidify it. Love paragraph 2 and how you added in the part on the girls. It meshes wonderfully. I made some more edits in the last paragraph. I think the opening paragraph needs more of a punch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyna ♔ Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I made some more edits in the last paragraph. I think the opening paragraph needs more of a punch. Hmm, maybe something from the album? Some lyrics? My idea would maybe be to incorporate RN itself or maybe the pledge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Hmm, maybe something from the album? Some lyrics? My idea would maybe be to incorporate RN itself or maybe the pledge. I should throw "rid the world of color lines" somewhere in there.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatOtherFan Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 The second has better wording and is stronger. He does. I think it's Janet-Journey.com. But they don't have the RN1814 era videos up yet. You could try going on the Internet Archive and getting it that way. It is. I'm just long-winded at times, I guess. lol NO he doesn't. I'll just get it off of JanetMedia whenever you all want me to start on it. lol As long as it's decent quality we're good. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Idrag4mj Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Great hop austin ..reading it now its improved upon but it still feels like somethings missing ..I know you don't want it to be too long but by attempting to really summarize it you risk leaving something of importance out ..I do think that you should just go with it..and after that we will remove the unnecessary stuff ..Dont have a limit like a 250 word essay..just go with it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyna ♔ Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 I should throw "rid the world of color lines" somewhere in there.... Not a bad idea Or maybe introduce it with the trademark "We are a part of the rhythm nation". Then maybe and actually say "Edit." since that trademark, too. And head right in. Or is that fragement-ish? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Revised draft three. Recording Artist: Janet Jackson Title: (Janet Jackson's) Rhythm Nation 1814 Released: September 18, 1989 Record Label: A&M Records (presently: Interscope Records) September 14, 1814 is the day Francis Scott Key penned the national anthem. The same week 175 years later, a new anthem was released, "Rhythm Nation 1814". After establishing herself as one of the pop's newest musical forces with 1986's Control, Janet Jackson set out to deal with a troubled world in a positive way. A 23 year-old woman diminutive in stature, but a voice the size of Texas captured the hearts and minds of Americans with the release of 1989's "Rhythm Nation 1814". Janet Jackson grabbed national attention by combining social issues with a contemporary music sound that was strong both musically and lyrically. Jackson's "nation" takes listeners on a journey through the harsh reality of poverty, homelessness, violence, drugs, and hunger, while inspiring change through unity, a nation rid of color lines, and stressing the importance of education. Jackson opens with the political statement "Rhythm Nation", a song calling for unity and an end to racism. She is relentless in her pursuit as she belts, "It's time to give a damn let's work together!" The journey continues with the disturbing "State of the World", chronicling teenage pregnancy and homelessness, "The Knowledge", a song solely responsible for encouraging high school dropouts Kia and Keisha Porter to finish school (coincidentally 1814 being the year the first women's college was founded), and "Livin' In A World (They Didn't Make)", which decries the reality of children being exposed to violence. Contrastingly, Jackson balances the album with the progressive tracks. "Love Will Never Do (Without You)" serves as a statement of interracial harmony and color blindness. "Alright" spells out the importance of interpersonal relationships, while "Escapade" explores the necessity of setting aside differences and enjoying what life has to offer, and "Black Cat" cautions youth against drugs. Short but poignant, the interludes, ranging from five to thirty seconds, operate as segues between songs, tying them together and reinforcing the message of the album. In a country where cries for help have fallen upon deaf ears, and the need for help has only been seen by the blind eye, "Rhythm Nation 1814" is the voice for the forgotten. Jackson's formula of combining dance music with a positive message, a trend still present in pop culture, was an unprecedented success - more than a staggering 14 million copies sold, Billboard chart records that bested those set by Michael Jackson and Bruce Springsteen, a record setting number of awards, and a level of success in which critics believe Jackson's success was rivaling that of older brother Michael's. Despite the album's stratospheric success, "Rhythm Nation 1814" is a call to action, a political statement, and a moment in music. The album's social commentary challenged disenfranchised people from all over the world to come together and stand up against injustice. By confronting America's issues, Jackson's goal of illustrating that "In complete darkness, we are all the same", had been fulfilled. The world could identify with America as an evolving work in progress with societal problems that mirrored their own. The cultural and historical significance of "Rhythm Nation 1814", an album so powerful that it brought former President George H. W. Bush to one of Jackson's live shows, is immeasurable. Janet Jackson's "nation" had a rhythm that moved a nation, and inspired change through song and dance. Continuing to serve as thread in the social fabric of America, "Rhythm Nation 1814" remains a moment in history as one of your own inductees, Stevie Wonder, has named this album as the greatest pop album in history. Here, I just moved sentences between paragraph one and three. I think it makes more sense, in respect to the flow of the essay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Great hop austin ..reading it now its improved upon but it still feels like somethings missing ..I know you don't want it to be too long but by attempting to really summarize it you risk leaving something of importance out ..I do think that you should just go with it..and after that we will remove the unnecessary stuff ..Dont have a limit like a 250 word essay..just go with it Well, they didn't really specify the length. After all it does say give them as much information about the album as possible. I was just thinking it would be best if it was a short and powerful punch. But if you think it's missing something don't be afraid to speak up. I just want it to punch all the way through. Not a bad idea Or maybe introduce it with the trademark "We are a part of the rhythm nation". Then maybe and actually say "Edit." since that trademark, too. And head right in. Or is that fragement-ish? THAT WAS GONNA BE THE TITLE OF THE EMAIL! :lmao: :lmao: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyna ♔ Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 THAT WAS GONNA BE THE TITLE OF THE EMAIL! :lmao: :lmao: What?! Great minds think alike! :lmao: :lmao: [need help here] Maybe "...not only solidifies the album as being a template, but the era itself, and even more importantly, Jackson herself." ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 What?! Great minds think alike! :lmao: :lmao: [need help here] Maybe "...not only solidifies the album as being a template, but the era itself, and even more importantly, Jackson herself." ? I want it to segue into the next line about the album's success. So that's where I'm stuck. Edit: But I think I got it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Yay!!!! It's great! Well done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyna ♔ Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I want it to segue into the next line about the album's success. So that's where I'm stuck. Edit: But I think I got it. LOVE it!! It's excellent! Very well done! :clapping: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bu. Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I love it Austin ! It's awesome. My only gripe is the Escapade part...will they take kindly to 'breaking rules' ? Maybe it's just me but that one line could give a 'lets rebel' type vibe to someone thats not familiar with it even though as fans we know thats not what she means. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 LOVE it!! It's excellent! Very well done! :clapping: Thank you. I love it Austin ! It's awesome. My only gripe is the Escapade part...will they take kindly to 'breaking rules' ? Maybe it's just me but that one line could give a 'lets rebel' type vibe to someone thats not familiar with it even though as fans we know thats not what she means. Well the "if we're not having fun" should be the give away. But I was thinking about changing it to "save out troubles for another day", but it would need a better segue into the line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hotboy06 Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Excellent post. If I wasn't a witness, after reading that, I would convert! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 *wonders if people realize their creative input and critiques are necessary* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bu. Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Well the "if we're not having fun" should be the give away. But I was thinking about changing it to "save out troubles for another day", but it would need a better segue into the line. Whats a segue ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyna ♔ Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Whats a segue ? A segue ( /ˈsɛɡweɪ/) is a smooth transition from one topic or section to the next.[1] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 I fixed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bu. Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 A segue ( /ˈsɛɡweɪ/) is a smooth transition from one topic or section to the next.[1] You mean a paragraph ? Ugh see this is why I should have kept on doing english instead of French! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Wonder Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 Edited again. More edits coming soon though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
switchblade330 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 this RN1814 thesis is FUCKING BRILLIANT !!! :wub: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
William Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I made some edits, tell me what you think: September 14, 1814: is the day Francis Scott Key penned the national anthem. (I'd prefer something like Francis Scott Key penned "The Star-Spangled Banner" on September 14, 1814.) The same week 175 years later, a new anthem was released, Rhythm Nation 1814. After establishing herself as one of the pop music's newest musical forces with 1986's Control, Janet Jackson set out to deal with confront a troubled world in a positive way. A 23-year-old woman diminutive in stature, but with a voice the size of Texas, (rly?) captured the hearts and minds of Americans with the release of 1989's Rhythm Nation 1814. Janet Jackson grabbed national attention by combining pressing social issues with a contemporary music sound that was strong both musically and lyrically compelling. Jackson's "nation" takes listeners on a journey through the harsh realityies of poverty, hunger, homelessness, violence and drugs. while inspiring Jackson also aimed to inspire a nation rid of color lines, to create change through unity, and to stress the importance of education. Jackson Rhythm Nation 1814 opens with the Jackson's political statement "Rhythm Nation", a song calling for unity and an end to racism. She is relentless in her pursuit as she belts, "it's time to give a damn, let's work together!" The journey continues with the disturbing striking "State Of The World" (chronicling which chronicles teenage pregnancy and homelessness), "The Knowledge" (a song solely responsible for encouraging high school dropouts Kia and Keisha Porter to finish school -- coincidentally, 1814 being the year the first women's college was founded), and "Livin' In A World (They Didn't Make)" (which decries the reality of children being exposed to violence). Contrastingly, Jackson balances the album with the progressive tracks including "Love Will Never Do (Without You)", which serves as a statement of interracial harmony and color blindness. (LOLOL!) "Alright" spells out acknowledges the importance of interpersonal relationships, while "Escapade" explores the necessity of setting aside differences and enjoying what life has to offer (v. awk), and "Black Cat" cautions youth against using drugs. Short yet poignant, the interludes (ranging from five to thirty seconds long) operate as segues between songs, tying them together and reinforcing the message of the album. In a country where cries for help have often fallen upon deaf ears, and the need for help has only been seen by the blind eye (???), Rhythm Nation 1814 is the serves as a voice for the forgotten. Jackson's formula of combining dance music with a positive message, a trend still present in pop culture music, was an unprecedented success -- with more than a staggering 14 million copies sold, Billboard chart records that bested those set by Michael Jackson and Bruce Springsteen, a record setting number of awards, and a level of success in which critics believe Jackson's success was rivaling that of older brother Michael's. Despite Aside from the album's stratospheric success, Rhythm Nation 1814 is a call to action, a political statement, and a historical moment in music. The album's social commentary challenged the disenfranchised people from all over the world to come band together and stand up against injustice. By confronting America's issues, Jackson's goal of illustrating that "In complete darkness, we are all the same," had been fulfilled. The world could identify with America as an evolving work in progress with societal problems that mirrored their own. (awk) The cultural and historical significance of Rhythm Nation 1814, an album so powerful that it brought former President George H. W. Bush to one of Jackson's live shows, is immeasurable. Janet Jackson's "nation" had a rhythm that moved a nation, and inspired change through song and dance. Continuing to serve as thread in the social fabric of America, Rhythm Nation 1814 remains a moment in history and a thread in the social fabric of America, as one of your own inductees, Stevie Wonder, has named this album as the greatest pop album in history. Those last three sentences are the bomb dot com! Yaaasss!! I did this while listening to "My Neck, My Back" on repeat so please excuse any stupid mistakes. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
switchblade330 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 what up Wylium !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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